#I'm supposed to be relaxed and happy and I'm the exact opposite

[magicshop]

I wonder what it's like to not have a dysfunctional family

[frigidwife]

do you think louis chose/believed armand over claudia in the scene after armand threatens and chokes her? i was under the impression that louis reflexively disagreed with claudia because he didn't want to believe it, but the fact that he also reflexively lit armand's photo on fire makes me think his response to claudia ("he wouldn't do that"/"sit in your choice") was a denial of the real horror he was feeling, that he did believe her and just wished it wasn't true. i rewatched that scene and when he notices the picture is on fire, he waits a second before putting it out, which makes me think his commitment to armand following this scene wasn't out of genuine love, but a strategic choice made out of fear, the same way he martyred himself for lestat to turn claudia. i still see people talking about how much louis and armand did love each other, and i was briefly convinced when madeline called it out (though that scene also contains claudia thanking armand for not treating her like a child, so the legitimacy of the entire scene is thrown into question imo). but after rewatching the season, i don't think they were that devoted to each other. between the actors deliberately playing their flirtations super awkward, the fact that louis never commits until armand threatens claudia and his commitment itself following louis' pattern of chaining himself to his current lover/shark for claudia's survival (a pattern the show goes out of its way to emphasize with lestat's retelling of her turning), and the fact that armand apparently did choose the coven over louis...idk. maybe i'm biased and just sick of the idea that armand and louis' love is some torrid gothic romance when it seems clear that louis and armand's insistence that it was in dubai is deliberately at odds with what we saw, despite how hard they were trying to make it seem that way. even the way they gassed up their first meeting felt staged, and if we're supposed to understand that louis and armand's growing physical distance in dubai denotes emotional/romantic distance as louis' memories are restored, it seems in line to realize that the distance isn't what's new, nor is the performance of love; it's the realization that it is a performance. SORRY this got long, i feel like i'm going a little crazy because i feel the show is saying the exact opposite to much of the analysis on here. in a way i would love to be convinced towards a different perspective because then i could just relax

no i agree with you completely ur not insane and neither am i.... i havent watched that episode in a while but the way the events are sequenced it's not even ambiguous--the relationship with armand is strategic and it has been since the beginning. like i dont think louis's "he wouldn't do that" is even a denial of the kind of person armand is. Bc in the previous episode armand literally almost killed louis for the same secret he's just threatened claudia about. so why would he actually disbelieve her? (laying it out like this i'm realizing why the victim blaming interpretation of louis as ditzy is so prevalent lol.) his frustration reads to me like: i've already sacrificed my freedom and happiness so you can join the coven that you love so much, and now you're saying you don't like the coven? you can't tough it out and trust i have armand handled? the disbelief in "he wouldn't do that" is not that louis wants to believe armand is a better person; it's that louis wants to believe his control over armand is more complete, bc otherwise claudia is right and his sacrifices are doubly pointless. this is the same pattern we saw with louis and his siblings as a human--telling grace to worry about herself, telling lestat how they were four months from bankruptcy; he takes pains to keep them ignorant but then is frustrated they wont register his sacrifice; they see it as him pushing them away (literal knife to paul's throat). louis starting to burn the photograph is him giving up--claudia is ungrateful; this task is impossible. but then the dream lestat which is ofc just louis calls claudia "our daughter" and that's when louis stops burning the photograph of armand. at the reminder that no matter how he tries to accept her as grown and autonomous, she's his child first. and then you can see him double down and regroup--get rid of ghost lestat indulgence to commit fully to companionship with as much control as he can leverage

[cynicallyanime]

The Distance Between Us

Author: @cynicallyanime

Warning: Lots of angst with a fluffy ending! (Also memory loss.)

Notes: Sorry if this seems a little short or cut off in a weird spot. I’ve been trying to get back in the groove of writing. But, I’ve been having lots of personal setbacks. I had originally planned for more of the story so I might make a part two later if I find the motivation. Please COMMENT/REBLOG if you enjoy!

Pairing: Momiji Sohma x yn

Words: 5,965

Momiji Sohma was always a peculiar one. Ask anyone who's ever met him. They'll tell you about how he liked to wear feminine clothes until high school and he finally hit a growth spurt. Or they'll tell you about his accent and frequent use of German words that hardly anyone understood. Maybe they'll even tell you about how he always had a smile on his face and goofed around like a little kid, never taking anything too seriously.

The first time I met Momiji was when we were both really small. Probably, like, age twelve or maybe even younger. But, he went to an all boys' school and I went to a regular one. So, that's not where we met. I actually met him when I was preparing for my first big duet competition.

I play the piano. I have ever since I can remember. And for the competition, I needed a violinist to play alongside me. Or at least, that's what my instructor told me. My family had me in solo lessons, so practice was always pretty lonely. I was excited to finally be able to make a friend I could share music with. However, it was up to my instructor to make the match for me. I just hoped she picked someone nice.

There I sat at the practice piano on the day we were supposed to meet. All my instructor told me was that he was a boy, he was my age, and that we were at the same skill level in each of our instruments. So, it was a good match for the competition coming up in a few months.

I expected someone very studious. Someone who would probably not want to have any fun. That's just the way my instructor was. All work and no play. So when the door to the studio opened and I turned my head to see, I was surprised to say the least.

In barged the exact opposite kind of person I had imagined. A little blond boy skipped in through the doorway before the adults could even open it all the way. He bounded straight over to me with his violin case clutched in his left hand and practically touched his nose to mine.

"Hallo!! It's so wunderbar to meet you!!" His light brown eyes shined happily, the same as his broad smile. But, I couldn't help but be a little lost by his accent and the way he was saying things. "I'm Momiji Sohma! Und I can't wait to play together!"

Despite his friendly personality, I was still too flustered to speak properly. "I-uh..."

"Momiji. You're here to practice together, not play. Understand?" The stern adult scolded him. I presumed it was his violin instructor that had come with him.

He instantly stood up straight. "Ah! But we are practicing to be able to play together! No?" The instructor rolled his eyes likes he was used to his antics.

"Excuse me," I whispered out, not quite as outgoing as he was yet. He turned his eyes to me in surprise. "Why...um...why do you sound like that?"

He tilted his head and put one finger to his lips as he thought. "Sound like what? Hmm...oh! You must mean my accent. I'm part German on my mutti's side!" He explained with no hint of offense at all. Then, he continued with a small wink, "Mutti means my mother, by the way."

"Oh!" I finally relaxed when I realized that he wasn't intimidating at all. He was actually quite kind. "It's so nice to meet you! I'm yn yln!" I reached out my right hand and he took it without hesitation to shake it.

And that was the beginning of it all.

For the next few months, we spent nearly every day after school together. Hours upon hours of playing the piano alongside him made me so happy. His violin playing was so amazing. His face would become so serious while he concentrated on his strings. Sometimes I just wanted to listen to him play by himself. But our instructors said if one of us was playing, then the other should be too.

We learned so much about each other so fast. For the first time in my life, I had felt like I truly had someone I could call my best friend. Except...he wouldn't hug me like I saw all the other best friends doing. In fact, the closer we got...the further he moved away from me. At first, we would high five, bump shoulders, and even touch foreheads. Just like the first day we met. Out of nowhere though, he suddenly seemed shy around me and we stopped doing all of that stuff.

That was what was peculiar. The outgoing and bubbly boy who had become my best friend changed completely when I tried to get closer to him again. That made me a little sad. And also curious if maybe I had done something to hurt him. But, I never pushed because I wanted to keep being best friends.

Finally, it was the day of the competition that we had been practicing so hard for. But, we also had so much fun together that it hardly felt like practicing and sometimes I forgot that there would be an end. It was my hope that we could continue to be friends even after the competition. Maybe we could compete in more if we won this one. I had made up my mind to try harder than I ever had before.

A few hours before the competition started, I walked into the massive building with my hand held by my mother's. I gripped the skirt of my fancy dress in my other hand while she checked me in, nerves starting to get to me. All the nerves went away, though, when I finally saw Momiji.

The door opened to the green room we were waiting in and he skipped in, like always. My heart started racing so fast it felt like butterflies were hatching in there. I had never seen him dress so formally, all buttoned up in his suit and tie. He was so cute.

"Yn!!" He exclaimed upon seeing me as he walked closer. Maybe it was just my false hope, but I thought his eyes sparkled when he looked at me. "I've never seen anything prettier than you are!"

His declaration caused me to blush hard. So much so that I had to turn away. Our instructors and my mother excused themselves to go get some drinks, since we would be performing last. I clutched my hands over my chest, wondering if I would be able to hear the keys over my heart out there.

"I mean it, you know," he said softly, leaning his face to be in front of where I was looking. "It's not just the dress. You're always shining, just like schatz...like treasure." Momiji placed his hand on my shoulder for the first time in weeks and all my worries melted away.

I couldn't hold back anymore. I had to know why he had been distant from me. "Momiji," I whispered, eyes fixed on the ground, "do you...hate me?"

"What?" He sounded genuinely surprised. Like he didn't even know that his actions were impacting me.

Finally, I fully met his eyes as one of the tears that had been building up inside for weeks slipped out. "I asked if you hated me!!" His eyes widened at my volume and I was shocked a little bit too. But, how could he say I was like treasure when... "I thought we were best friends! But, you don't ever want to be near me anymore! You...you say I'm like treasure but you won't even hold me like I am!"

My outburst left a deafening silence hanging in the air. Tears flowed freely from my eyes. And Momiji...looked like I had struck him right across his face. His hand fell from my shoulder and I wished I could take it back. I opened my mouth to apologize and beg him not to stop being friends with me. But, he spoke first.

"You are wrong." I wanted to cry more at his words. How could I be wrong when I could see it so plainly? "It's because you are my best friend that I can't do that."

I clenched my fists. Couldn't he at least be honest with me? "Why?? How does that make any sense?!" I clapped my hands over my face to hide how red and puffy it was getting. Embarrassed. I was so embarrassed by my own behavior.

"Yn, stop that." His tone was stern but kind and he reached out to pull my hands away by my wrists. "Don't hide your sadness. Especially, when I'm the cause."

"Momiji," I sobbed, "I don't understand what you're saying." Feelings were hard at that age. First, you were confused about what they were in the first place and then about why they wouldn't go away. Mostly, I was confused because he was contradicting himself.

He reached out with both hands to wipe the wetness from my cheeks. Then, he patted my head so gently. "I want to hug you. But, if I do...bad things will happen. I don't want to stop being friends-"

"Then, don't!" I had listened to enough. My body moved without me telling it to. I slammed into his chest and wrapped my arms around his middle so tightly. "Nothing would ever make me stop being your friend!"

Then, it happened.

In a puff of yellow smoke, Momiji disappeared. The sudden absence of his body sent me tumbling to the ground. I sat up on my knees as the smoke started to clear and looked around. All I could see was his clothes piled in a heap where we were standing.

"Momiji?" I couldn't believe my eyes. The clothes heap started rustling. "Uh!"

I was scared of what it was...until a little yellow bunny poked its head out. Somehow, I didn't even have to ask. I knew it was him. His long ears sagged and his nose twitched as he looked at the floor. "I tried to warn you."

"Ah!!" I yelled in surprise. I hadn't been expecting him to talk in that state. But, I settled down pretty quickly. "Sorry! You just caught me off guard. That's all."

He looked up at me, his ears raised the tiniest bit. "You're not...scared at all?"

"Of course not!" Tears started to form again, except this time, they were happy ones. I promptly scooped him up and cuddled him in my arms. He placed his tiny ones on my shoulder. His nose nuzzled into my neck while I gently rested my cheek on top of his head. "You're my best friend, Momiji. I want to be friends with you forever."

I could feel the cold droplets falling onto my skin.  So I held him closer with my hands. As I set him down and smiled at him, a noise on the other side of the door made us jump. Without thinking, I scrambled to shove his clothes out of view and hid him behind me as the door opened.

Our instructors and my mother had returned with the drinks, laughing and chatting about who knows what adult stuff. Momiji's instructor immediately whipped his head around. "Where is Momiji?" I gulped. I didn't know why, but I lied.

"The bathroom...? I think? Or maybe backstage?" I pressed one finger to my chin thoughtfully. "He did say something about watching the others from a good seat..."

With a groan, the instructors quickly left to search for him. My mother took a few steps in and looked over my face. "Sweetie, what's wrong?? Is it nerves?" I nodded.

"I think I left my lucky bracelet in the car," I lied again, "could you get it for me, please? I think it would really help."

She took one look at my pitiful face and her expression softened. "Of course, sweetie. I'll be back soon!"

I let out a sigh of relief just as I heard a poof sound behind me. "That was clo-" The words died on my tongue as Momiji reappeared...naked. "Ahh!"

"Thank you," he said calmly, and proceeded to put his suit back on while I turned the opposite way. "If they had found out, we wouldn't be able to see each other anymore."

We sat next to each other on the couch and he told me everything. The curse that ran back generations in the Sohma family. That hugging the opposite sex triggered the transformation and that it lasted for varying amounts of time. That no one was allowed to know or the head of their family, Akito, would be furious and erase their memories. It was a little hard to swallow. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I would've thought he went crazy.

With his secret finally out in the open, he clasped my hand in his. I squeezed it tight, never intending to let him go. Of course, I had to when it was our turn to perform. I thought I couldn't get any happier up on that stage playing with Momiji. But, then we won and we were allowed to keep playing together for more competitions.

Day in and day out for six months we would meet up to rehearse. We would hold hands when the instructors weren't looking, and when they left us alone for short periods, I couldn't help but hug him. One day, I even got up the courage to give him a peck on his little pink nose. When he returned to normal he was as red as a sakura blossom.

Momiji had his birthday in that time, so he had turned thirteen before me. It was finally my birthday...and I knew what I was going to ask for. I waited on my piano bench in the rehearsal room like always. The keys played a soft melody under my fingers and I hummed until I heard the door open.

Momiji walked in and closed the door behind him. I was so excited to see him that I missed the signs. Skipping over to him, I grasped his hand to pull him over to the bench with me. I couldn't feel how he dragged his feet over my racing heart.

"I finally know what you can give me for my birthday!" He had asked weeks ago and I couldn't come up with anything. But, it had finally come to me. "Momiji, I li-"

He squeezed my hand as he interrupted me. "We can't, yn."

"You...you don't even know what I was gonna say," I protested, worry seeping into my skin.

When he finally met my eyes, I saw it. They were red and puffy and his nose was as pink as it was in his bunny form. "I do. Because I want to say it too..."

"What happened?" My voice came out barely above a whisper. I didn't want to know the answer because I knew it was bad. I felt it coming off him in waves.

He sighed. "We can't be friends anymore."

"But...why?" My heart shattered.

His other hand covered our clasped ones. "Akito found out that you know." My eyes widened. "He doesn't want anything or anyone to take us away from him. So, I can't see you anymore."

"No," I whimpered, "that's not fair!"

I watched as he scrunched his eyes closed, his eyelashes becoming wet. "He said...you have to have your memories of me erased."

"No!" I yelled, standing up abruptly. "He can't do that! I don't want to!"

Momiji opened his eyes and looked at me brokenly. "You'll be better off...not remembering. You'll be safer. He'll leave you alone that way," he tried to explain. I just kept shaking my head. I didn't want to hear it. Suddenly, he got up and grasped me by my shoulders. "It's not a request. Akito's word is final."

Tears started dripping rapidly from my lashes as the door opened. A studious looking man in a trench coat walked in. He looked guilty already. This must be the one that does it. I quickly looked at Momiji, curling up his shirt in my fists. "Please, don't let him do this, Momiji!"

"I'm so sorry, yn!" He sobbed and reached in his pocket before pulling something out. Angling himself so the strange man couldn't see, he grabbed my face in his hands and pulled me closer. Momiji pressed a soft kiss to my lips as he slid something under the layers of my short hair. "Happy Birthday, mein schatzi," he whispered in my ear as he pulled away.

When he did, I almost reached up to pull it out and look. But, he glanced over his shoulder and I realized it was supposed to be a secret. "That's not fair," I cried but smiled slightly, "kissing me like that when I won't be able to remember."

"I'll remember for the both of us," he stroked my bangs softly out of my face, "I promise."

He held my hands as he sat me back down on the bench. I took a deep breath, trying hard to stop crying so the last time I looked at him wouldn't be blurry. Finally, I nodded. "Close your eyes. It will be over quickly." The man said as he stood in front of me.

"Thank you, Momiji," I said as I closed my eyes, "for being my best friend." All I felt was falling asleep.

I opened my eyes and groaned. Lifting my head up, I saw that I was in my rehearsal room. "Did I fall asleep at the piano?" I looked around as I stood up and stretched. It seemed...emptier than before. "That's weird," I chuckled to myself and scratched the back of my head as I went to pick up my bag.

My fingers grazed something and I carefully pulled it out. "What's this?" I mumbled. Turning it over in my fingers, I saw a yellow, bunny-shaped hair clip. Something poked at the back of my head briefly. I shrugged. "Where'd you come from? I think I'll keep you. It is my birthday, after all!" I used it to clip my bangs back and decided to leave for the day.

~Ten Years Later: Momiji's POV~

I'm tired. These auditions are never-ending. My dreams are finally starting to become a reality. Ever since the curse broke, I've gotten closer with my family. So, I've started preparing for the concert that I want to put on just for them. My father, my sister, and my mutti. The one I promised to play for Tohru will come later.

The thing about the concert is that I thought it would be more fun for them if I wasn't playing alone. So, I'm searching for someone to accompany me. I've been holding these auditions for days and yet, no luck. It's not that they're untalented. But, they're all...missing something.

I've almost given up entirely. There are still a few musicians left on the list for today. But, I can't bear anymore. I stand up to gather my things from the table as someone walks onto the stage. "I'm sorry, but I've decided to cut things short for today. I'll be leaving now," I sigh, not looking up from my stack of papers.

"Oh," says the voice of a woman. "I understand! Does that mean I'll be first to audition tomorrow?"

That voice. Older and more mature, but still somehow the same. My body goes rigid and I'm afraid to look up. It's not her. It can't be. Tentatively, I peek up at the woman standing on stage, her hair pulled into two low pigtails. She smiles shyly and my heart constricts. Surely, it's not. I look back down, scrambling through the list of people auditioning today. It's got...to be here...somewhere...aha!

With a flourish, I hold the paper up. Her picture is attached to the corner and so I lift it up to uncover the name. I can't believe it...it's been how long? Ten years, almost? Quickly, I sit back down. "Play."

"You," she pauses uncertainly, "want me to play now? I thought you were leaving..."

I clasp my hands under my chin and lean forward intently. "I've changed my mind. You'll be the last today. So, please," I gesture one hand toward the piano, "play me something that you love."

Even from this distance, I can see her cheeks blush under the stage lights. She nods and makes her way to the piano. The light glints off of something in her long hair and my heart skips a beat. A bunny clip holds the bangs out of her eyes as she sits at the bench and takes a deep breath.

Just when I thought I couldn't be any more surprised, she starts playing. Fond memories wash over me as the notes fill the theater. This is the duet piece we played at our first competition together when we were children. Does she remember? How would that even be possible?

Perhaps, she chose this piece because it reminds her of the first competition she won. That's the thing about how Hatori erases our secret from their minds. He leaves just enough of the truth that they wouldn't notice anything is missing. There's no other explanation for why she chose it.

She's gotten taller...but not by much. Then again, I've grown as well. I'm sure I would tower over her if I could stand beside her. We're different people now. We've both gone through so many experiences that shaped us into who we are now...experiences that we didn't get to share with each other like we were meant to.

"Mr. Sohma?"

Her gentle voice pulls me from my thoughts and back to the present. I got so lost in them that I didn't notice the piece was over or her standing in the center of the stage again.

"Are you...alright?"

I tilt my head quizzically at her. Why would I not be? I'm confused until I blink again, and something warm slides down my cheek. Reaching up, I feel the wetness that has gathered there. I quickly wipe the tears away and stand up, plastering a smile on my lips.

"Yes, yes! I'm alright, danke!" My feet move me toward her of their own will as I continue speaking. "You just played so sweetly that it moved me to tears." Suddenly, I'm so close that I can see the surprise glinting in her eyes and I realize that I ran to her. "I don't remember that piece being so sad the last time I heard it," I admit.

She ducks her head for a moment before looking up at me from beneath her eyelashes. I knew it. I knew that I would finally be taller. "It's not supposed to be, actually," she begins shyly. Still so nervous despite all the talent in the world. "The original piece is a duet with the violin. It's missing its other half...so I can't play it without longing or sorrow."

"Where do you suppose its other half is, then?" I question, never letting my gaze leave hers.

I watch as a hopeful shine fills up her eyes. "It's right here." It feels as though my heart stops completely when she gestures to me. She remembers me! Overcome with emotions, I step forward. Ready to wrap her up in my arms and never let go again. That is, until she gently places her hand on my chest to distance herself from me. "Mr. Sohma...what are you doing?"

As quickly as my heart soared, it came crashing into the ground. Of course, she doesn't remember. She only meant I was the other half because it's the job she's auditioning for. I step back, bowing my head slightly.

"I'm so sorry, miss," I clear my throat for fear that she'll hear how disappointed I am. "I don't know what came over me. The job is yours...if you want it."

She clasps her hands in front of her lips. "Oh, really?!" Yn gasps. I miss her always having that excitement in her voice when she's near me. "But, I thought you have more auditions to go through..."

"I don't need to hear any more," I declare, "you are the one I want." She nods and I take that as her acceptance. "Wunderbar! I'll contact you in a few days with information regarding rehearsals. Danke and enjoy the rest of your day!"

I turn to go gather my things without a second thought. But, I'm stopped in my place when something pulls on my hand. I look down and see both of her slender hands grasping mine. When I glance at her face, I see that she's blushing and looking at our hands in shock.

"I just wanted to say..." I watch as she turns redder and redder before she finally meets my eyes. "Thank you for giving me this opportunity. I'll work really hard to make you glad you chose me!"

Some things never change. I smile softly at her while I take the hand she's not holding and pat the top of her head once. "I don't think you'll have to try too hard." The flustered look on her face makes me chuckle for the first time in days. "Bis bald, Miss yln."

Finally, I leave the dim theater to walk around in the late spring sun. Sakura petals float though the breeze as I sit on a bench and stare at my hands. I can still feel her small hands holding mine and the soft strands of her hair. So what if she doesn't remember me? We can make new memories now. Yn fell in love with me once, as children...we can fall in love again. There will be nothing to stop us this time.

Over the course of the next few months, we spend every other day together. It's almost like old times. The weather is getting hotter and she's started wearing her hair up. I have never seen her look so beautiful. I find myself getting so distracted looking at the loose hairs on the nape of her neck that I mess up frequently. But, each time she laughs and the embarrassment is worth it.

She's been so professional. Never wanting to take too long of a break to chat or stray off course for long. It's hard trying to get to know her again. She's very different from when we were kids. I can tell that she keeps a carefully placed wall up almost all the time. But...I don't know why. Could it be because of me? Does she remember the feeling of being hurt and abandoned, but just not the reason why?

On one particular day when the leaves are starting to fall, we get out of rehearsal so late that the sun has already set. I clasp the handle of my violin case as we exit the studio I rent side by side into the cool breeze. She bows toward me politely, like always.

"I'll see you next time, Mr. Sohma!" Yn turns to leave, but I want to stay close to her.

So, I call out. "It's been about four months since we've been working together!" She turns around in surprise. "Let's celebrate! It is dinner time and I kept us too late today." My heart thuds in my chest while she hesitates.

"Oh, no! I wouldn't want to trouble you," she begins to politely decline.

I tilt my head to the side. "You're never any trouble to me." Her eyes widen, the streetlights twinkling in them. "I insist. I'd like to get to know you better, anyway. You don't talk much about yourself..."

"I just don't think it's a good idea..." she says hesitantly. "We shouldn't mix our personal and professional lives." There's brief regret in her once twinkling eyes.

"Oh, I see." Disappointment sinks my heart into my stomach. "How long have you been together?"

Her eyebrows cinch together momentarily as her lips part. "What do you..." I smile softly, trying not to let it show in my face that I can't breathe. After looking over my face for a long moment, her face lights up. "Oh! I'm afraid you have it all wrong, Mr. Sohma!"

"I...do?" I try to keep my hope in check.

Then, she giggles gently, eyes closing in amusement. "Yes!" She opens her eyes once again and meets mine. "I'm not seeing anyone...romantically...that's not why at all," she explains, "I've actually never dated anyone."

"How is that possible??" I blurt out before covering my mouth with my hand. Her cheeks flush red with embarrassment. "No! That's not what I meant! I just figured that you're so wunderbar...there's no way someone hasn't-"

I cut off my stupid rambling before my foot slides further down my throat. She rubs the back of her neck sheepishly. "It's sort of silly...you might laugh."

"I won't," I say hastily, "I promise." Placing a hand over my heart, I lean a little closer to her. "Feel free to talk about anything you like with me."

Hesitation mixed with something else war on the expression of her face. With a sigh, she sinks onto a nearby bench and gestures for me to take the empty spot next to it. "I'm waiting for someone special," yn reveals.

"Isn't...everyone?" I genuinely question.

She shrugs, brows furrowing in what looks like an attempt to sort though her thoughts. "This is different. It's someone I've met before."

"!" Her words cause my heart to stop beating and my lungs to stop taking in air. I thought she had no memories left.

Her hand reaches up to tentatively touch the bunny clip in her hair that she's worn every single day I've seen her. I watch as her lips curl into the whisper of a smile, nostalgia painted in the way her eyes soften. Her eyes shift to mine and I jump slightly, not prepared for this look of complete and utter innocence.

"Have you ever...felt like-no," she corrects herself, head tilting up to look at the stars, "have you ever known that something important was missing? Like, you walk into a room and forget why you went in there in the first place but you know it was for something you needed?"

I nod silently as she looks at the clasped hands in her lap. "Of course..." You. You are what's always been missing for me...

"The past ten years have been that way for me," she admits with a sigh. Finally, she looks back at me again. "I found this clip in my hair on my thirteenth birthday." Pulling the clip from her hair, she holds it up for me to see. "Someone gave it to me. And I can't remember who..."

"Are you sure you it wasn't just a gift from a classmate?"

She shakes her head. "I didn't have friends as a kid." I want to take her hand in mine so badly. But, she always shies away from contact. "The piece I played for my audition...I won a competition with it as a child. Except...it was a duet competition. How can I not remember who I played with?"

"..." I can't find any words to say. Hatori messed up somehow. There's no other way she would be able to put it together. But...she's been thinking of me and looking for me all this time! How do I tell her it was me?

Waving her hand dismissively in the air, she lowers her head. "I told you it was silly-"

"Not at all!" She glances at me, grief swimming in her eyes. I'm the cause of that. She should never have that look on her face. I scoot closer and open my arms to give her a comforting hug.

She flinches back, panic filling her features. "What about the curse??" I immediately stop my movements as she looks around. "I'm sorry," yn covers her mouth in surprise, "I...don't know where that came from."

I can't stand it anymore.

Without thinking, I wrap her up in my arms. She goes still for a long moment, her heart thudding so fast against her chest I can feel it in mine. I carefully take the clip from her hand and place it back in her hair. "Yn," I whisper into her hair as I kiss it.

Seconds later, her arms slowly wrap around my middle. She clings tightly to the back of my jacket as she starts to shake. "Momiji!"

"What did you say?" I pull back slightly to search her face.

Her eyes are watering, a few tears dripping off her lashes. She sniffles, rapidly looking at every aspect of my face before smiling. "It's you."

"It's me." A small sob escapes her as she throws herself back into my arms. I squeeze her tightly, lips buried in her hair, never intending to let go of her again.

But, she untangles herself from me abruptly and scoots back. "Wait, what about-" she waits, probably realizing that minutes have gone by since our embrace and I'm still human. "How did...when did-"

"Oh, mein schatzi," I chuckle warmly, the hole that's been longing for her finally filled, "I have so much to tell you!"

Her whole face lights up. She finally remembers me. We're finally together. Nothing is standing in the way of us living the life we were always meant to live together. She reaches out and cups my face. Her thumbs brush my cheek and come away slick. I didn't realize I was crying, too.

"My birthday is coming up," she whispers hopefully, "and I know exactly what I want-"

I swallow her words with my lips on hers, my hand cupping the back of her neck gently. She presses against me, her arms holding me snug against her. Our lips push and pull, like the waves that crash on the beach shore. And I'm sure I'm not getting any oxygen because the only thing I want to breathe in is her existence. Her serendipitous reappearance in my life.

My lungs start to burn and I know that it will have to end soon. But, I don't want it to. I want to keep feeling her in my arms, smelling the perfume on her neck, and tasting the tea on her tongue. And she wants the same. I know it. But, eventually it becomes too much to bear, and I have to pull away.

We pant with foreheads pressed together, breath mingling in the air between us. "Sorry," I swallow thickly, "I couldn't wait until your birthday...I've already waited almost ten years for you."

"So, you..." She begins quietly, smile quirking one corner of her lips. "You've never..."

I brush a strand of hair behind her ear, closing my eyes as I kiss her forehead for a long moment. "I've never kissed anyone like that before. I've been saving it for you. Only for you."

[goldenlevi]

note: ok, so i posted it here properly. if you prefer to read it on ao3 here other works: here / i hope you enjoy, happy new year everyone

A loud sound in the distance woke you up.

Unsure of what it was exactly, as you were still groggy with sleep, a yawn escaped your lips while your arms stretched in front of you. For a moment, you thought you were back at your apartment and not in a public library.

Right.

You should be studying, not sleeping. The fault wasn’t entirely yours though. The previous day, you were stuck inside the Hospital following your mentor for the next six months which forced you to spend the night studying for an upcoming exam that was draining you. That’s how you end up in the library today next to Chishiya.

He was supposed to be helping you, and vice versa, not letting you fall asleep on top of dusty books. You looked down, as a frown took over your face. Why the fuck are they dusty? And where the hell was he? Your head turned in search for the blond. It only took a couple of seconds to notice that the setting was not exactly right.

It was the same familiar library, sure, one that you’ve set foot in many times. The same one in which you even met Chishiya in. But in spite of that, uneasiness was all you felt.

Too quiet, you thought. No traffic sounds were heard, no sighs from tired students nor any fingers pressing on keyboards in a hurry. Your legs moved before you could tell them to and practically jogged to the nearest windows. Just as you thought…empty streets. That is impossible, a voice inside your head argued. Shibuya doesn’t equal to empty streets nor any form of quiet. In fact, it was the exact opposite.

This had to be some type of illusion… a dream! yeah! You were still dreaming, it’s not like you were a stranger to lucid dreams and it would explain why you’re all alone. Well done, you pat yourself in the back.

“I know what you’re thinking; it’s not a dream” Your boyfriend’s voice rang through the room, another reminder of the silence. He cuts your train of thought off utterly unbothered. “There’s no one here” He says, beginning to walk over in your direction.

You turned your back to the windows, following his voice. You click your tongue, “That’s exactly what dream you would say. Even in my head you argue with me” He rolls his eyes upon hearing the answer your brain decides to come up with. Yet, until this day they still held a slightly less harsh stare as soon as he takes you in. His little smirk however, doesn’t flatter.

“Hmm” Your eyes barely have time to register his fingers as they quickly flick your forehead. Once and then again.

“Ouch! You asshole” You slap his hand away, rubbing your forehead. “Ok, fine I see your point”

🃏🃏🃏

Your eyes scanned your surroundings, not quite knowing what to make of it. Where were you? Both of you walked through the streets, ultimately deciding to go to your apartment since it was closer.

Everything felt…off. “What is this place?” Even then, your voice sounded foreign to your own ears. It was truly like you had been sucked out of your own reality and placed in a mirrored version of your world.

“Tokyo”

You rolled your eyes. Idiot.

“I'm serious. It may look like it but it doesn’t seem like we’re there anymore” Each time your eyes picked on something new, more and more questions followed.

“Dorothy~ I have a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore” he said playfully in your ear. Knowing that he was trying to make you feel more relaxed about the situation you both found yourselves in; you couldn’t help but smile. Chishiya was always playful, at least to you. Others generally seemed not being able to get past the arrogance and coldness. It wasn’t that they were making an incorrect assumption, only a superficial one.

“How long do you think has it been?” He asked while taking a look around the familiar place you used to call home.

“At least a month, I'm sure of it. I don’t know how though...this feeling of uncertainty — I don’t like it” You then noticed a few items that were out of place. “Someone’s been here” Your voice slightly raised as slow burning agitation filled your body.

The feeling of invasion of privacy was a foreign one. One you didn't know how to deal with just yet. People have been inside your house - messing with your things who knows what they could have taken? What could they have seen?

From the library to your apartment, if you could still call it that, you didn’t hear a sound. However, he pointed out stores that had been broken into, cars left in the middle of the street and so on..

If there’s really people out there, being able to enter anywhere and everywhere, if there’s no one to stop them…then…what else could they been doing?

That same night, while walking aimlessly through familiar streets that no longer held any attachment, you both spot bright lights coming out of a building. At the same time, your bodies turned to each other and spoke without words.

In less than a mere five minutes, those same bright lights stared at you seemingly mocking you. Curiosity filled you from the moment you had woken up and now you suspect some of it was going to be satisfied.

One hour later you found yourself staring at the same piece of paper together.

A small one with a bold title of ‘VISA’ right in the center of it. Immigration status Certificate.

What the- Better yet how did these people know your names, and how did they just decide to attribute points to the game you had just played.

“Valid until Monday. Hm, I wonder what fate awaits if a person lets it expire” He mused. His eyes glanced at you in anticipation.

“We just played a game where four people died just because they made the wrong choice. What do you think happens?” You asked rhetorically, arching your eyebrows.

“Ah yes. I just wanted to hear you say that you’ll continue playing” He shrugged, crushing the paper, letting it fall on the floor.

A teenager that survived alongside you both, shared all the information they knew. Apparently, this place was called Boderland. The amount of people who were actively there participating in the games was unknown.

The black haired teenager looked at the two of you as if they were waiting for a new answer.

“All of us saw fireworks before we got here. Did-did you guys see them too?” You almost felt bad at how their voice shook, clearly longing for new information that could help figure out this surely long puzzle.

They confirmed that in order to survive, everyone was forced to play the games. But, you could also die in them. You weren't certain how long they had been there. The only certainty you had so far was that not many people would view the challenges as you and Chishiya did.

You shook your head with a small smile. “Did you?” They asked Chishiya. He stared at them before answering, contemplating if he should answer truthfully or not. He concluded they seemed harmless and so he said, “I heard them at first, then saw them through the windows” He explained no further.

In addition, you also learned that the games take place each evening and it could happen anywhere. Each game had their own set of rules, making them highly unpredictable. The one thing they had in common was the fact the symbols had a meaning and you could gain information if you paid enough attention.

“Clubs are team based games, you can generally win them with teamwork. Spades: Mostly physical as they test your endurance” They paused. “Diamonds, well, those are made for testing intelligence, and problem-solving skills. The hardest one is Hearts. Hearts have no limits,they test everything, attack you physiologically and easily manipulate you”

“Sounds fun” You hear him say under his breath, resulting in you discreetly lightly pinching his side. Last thing you need is the only person kind enough to give you any type of explanation to think you’re nuts.

After that first game, they decided not to play the second one together. It would be risky since you wouldn’t have the means to know what type of game it would be beforehand. If they had to let lives end in exchange of their own, then there’s no reason why they should complicate it even further.

🎲🎲

Sunday Evening

You had just cleared a game.

The wind hit your hair as you ran, your feet moved one after the other without guidance, as the adrenaline remained in your veins being pumped through your blood stream.

Suddenly your eyes became hyper aware of the surroundings and you found yourself exactly in the spot you previously had agreed to meet Chishiya.

There he was, leaning on the empty store’s front wearing a blank expression as he often did. His eyes were dark as night, observing everything that moved.

You stopped beside him; leaning backwards allowing your head to hit the wall while a breathy laugh escaped your lips. “Fuck” you swore nearly panting. “Can you believe this? This is incredible. Whoever designed this, got a lot of inspiration from Saw”

“Saw?” He repeated, arching an eyebrow. You nodded, smiling wide just for him.

Chishiya turned his head towards you, searching for any possible injuries. Only after making sure you were physically unharmed, did relief fill him. Even now, it still felt like a strange feeling for the blond.

He then chuckled shaking his head in disbelief, “When the game ended, I was scared of one thing,” he placed one hand on his girlfriend’s cheek pulling you towards him. His mouth ghosted yours, teasing you as it always does. “that you wouldn’t find this as much fun as I did”

He pressed his lips against yours, speaking through a simple kiss. A pressing kiss, which screamed euphoria. He was happy that, once again, you found mutual pleasure.

Chishiya wouldn’t say it, nevertheless it wouldn’t be untrue, but he couldn’t bear to lose you. So, he spoke through his mouth right on yours grabbing you by the waist while biting your bottom lip teasingly. He decided that if he made all the right decisions he could have it all. And he would make sure of it.

Your hands met his neck touching him possessively. With nails grazing his skin, you deepened the kiss. Your tongue met his slowly wanting to taste him all of him.

Kissing him always felt too good. But something in the adrenaline and in the strange land made it feel fucking fantastic.

A week ago you were studying for an exam, today you had just fought for your life in a place where nothing matters. You decided right there and then you would rather live through a hundred todays especially if by the end of it, you got to have a kiss like that.

Their hearts pounded memories of the game they had just played behind their eyelids.His knuckles tightened around her clothes. And he kissed her like he wanted to scream he felt free.

Unprecedentedly, he was free.

[cheerfullycatholic]

I forget if you're still open for ideas about this, but you're doing rosaries for each of the Pevensie kids, right? If so (and if you can, I don't know what resources you have lol 😅) your color schemes might royal colors, like royal red, royal blue, royal purple, royal green, etc., each with a gold or silver accent color (like matching their crowns in the movie, Peter and Susan have gold, Edmund and Lucy have silver. Or tbh you could accent their colors with just gold to symbolize their shared royalty and that they're all siblings). Or something like that, this message was a lot shorter in my head 😅

Dude you're actually really close to what I was already thinking of!

I originally wanted to go with the colors of their coronation outfits at the end of the first movie, but they all were mostly blue and I want my rosaries to be distinctly different so I was trying to think of colors that kind of represented them as entire characters instead of just a single scene and this is what I have

Peter: red hail beads with gold crown decades (I found the cutest crown beads on Amazon!!)

Edmund: I can't decide if I wanna do dark green or dark blue hail beads but either of those with silver crown decades

Susan: if I don't do dark blue for Ed I'd probably use it for Susan, or I was thinking maybe a light blue or lavender or even a plum purple for the hail beads with gold crown decades (I can't remember now if Susan wore a lavender dress in the movies or if I'm confusing her for Anna Popplewell's character in Reign but I think she looks very nice in purple)

Lucy: I think I like either a burnt orange or an autumny yellow for the hail beads with silver crown decades

And and!!!! I found gold lion head beads that I wanna use for Aslan's rosary!!! I also have an idea for a Cair Paravel rosary but I'm not sure if Hobby Lobby will have the exact beads I want (this is the only one where I'm like "it has to be PERFECT it has to be EXACT if I can't get what I want I just won't make it!" and idk why lol). I also have an idea for Caspian's but it's written down on a paper downstairs and I don't wanna go get it because spooky but if I remember correctly he's getting a...silver crown? Idk idk to be figured out or remembered later

I think I'm getting way too invested in this because I've been thinking a lot about the possibilities especially a kind of matchies similar set of rosaries that are based off their coronation outfits (having them all be blue but with the different accent colors like they do in the movie, Ed's being silver, Peter's yellow, Susan's dark blue, and Lucy's orange) and like idk man I wanna do this it makes me happy but what am I going to do with all these rosaries I already have a collection of them I don't need more 😭😂 I'm kiiiindaaaa maaaayyybbbeee considering trying to sell them on Etsy but idk it's a lot to think about and honestly I just wanna make them because I have a vision and for some reason the work relaxes me which is weird because it's the exact thing that I think would do the complete opposite but making them just feels right it feels like when I write like I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing if that makes sense. Kinda dramatic though lol

Anyway sorry to ramble I'm just super excited about it!!!! The all royal color idea is giving me so many mental images and I might have to do more Pevensie sets than I originally thought I would! I'm gonna have more than a dozen rosaries made before I even move onto other fandoms!!!

[your-divine-ribs]

Pure Part 6: Do You Believe?

Words: 2.6k

Introducing Bondy to the story 🥀

Pure Masterlist Main Masterlist

I work in a small record store in the city. It's located centrally, just a few streets away from the gigantic and ever bustling Highfields shopping centre but it's proximity doesn't ensure a steady stream of customers through our door. In fact it's the exact opposite. My boss Jake grumbles that Highfields sucks the business and life out of the independent retailers for miles around, which I suppose is to be expected. We can't really compete with our tatty shelving units and threadbare carpets and cash register that looks like it'd be at home in an antique shop.

Some might argue that our little rundown record store is a hidden gem amongst a host of big-name, big-money retailers that don't give a damn about their customers as long as they're raking in the cash. That point of view doesn't matter much to Jake though when he's tearing his hair out at the end of each month only just breaking a profit in order to keep afloat.

Freya works in a slick clothing store in Highfields. She's always telling me that I should move on, find a better paid job with bigger career prospects, but what she fails to comprehend with me is that I'm quite happy with my minimum wage 'dead-end job' as she rudely calls it. I actually like the quiet pace in the store and the interesting and sometimes colourful characters that frequent it. I feel pretty relaxed and happy and content when I'm at work and not a lot of people can say that.

Today, however is different. I'm a bag of nerves, heart-rate spiking every time the bell suspended over the door jamb tinkles to announce the arrival of a new customer, thoughts straying to the dark corners of my mind constantly. I can't get the events of last night out of my head, playing and re-playing them, dissecting every minute detail of my interaction with Van, trying to make it all make sense. And as for the dream I had... it had all felt so real.

I shudder before opening up the laptop on the counter and selecting the browser, letting my fingers hover over the keys.

What the hell do I search for to get answers anyway? Eternal damnation? Deals with the devil? There's hardly going to be a handy online guide to bartering for your soul is there? I type in "how to summon a demon" and frown when the screen is suddenly populated with thumbnails of spell-books and pentacles and images of horned beasts with forked tails.

"Good mor-ning!" The loud cheery voice cuts through the quiet and I practically jump out of my skin, gasping in shock like I've been caught doing something illicit. I never even noticed the door opening, and when I whip my head up to see a familiar face I'm flooded with relief. It's only Johnny, owner of the book shop situated next door and one of our biggest customers. He strides into the shop with two take-out hot drinks containers and a paper bag in his hands and the widest grin on his face when he clocks my flustered expression. "What's up love? You look frit to death!"

"You about gave me a heart attack!" I giggle breathily as he plonks one of the cups and the bag down on the counter in front of me. "Was in a world of my own, I didn't even hear you come in."

"Daydreaming on the job were ya?" He chuckles with a cheeky smirk. "I don't know, Jake goes away for one day and you're already slacking!" He nods towards the open laptop before I get chance to angle the screen away. "I know you love those fancy lattes from the bakery on the corner so I picked one up for you, and I got you a little present too... hold on what's all this?"

His tone changes and before I can even react he's sliding the laptop fully around for a better look, eyes widening as he scrolls down the page.

"It's nothing!" I blurt, hastily reaching over to snap the laptop shut. "Just something silly I was looking up to pass the time."

I try to act nonchalant but I can feel my cheeks burning furiously. Most people wouldn't think twice about a random internet search but I know without a doubt that Johnny's interest will be piqued. It's his field after all.

"Didn't think you liked that kinda thing." He pauses, cautious sounding when he continues like he's selecting his words carefully, eager not to offend. "Ya know, with being a big church-goer. I thought dabbling with the occult was frowned upon." An awkward smile. "I got some good books about that exact topic though... they've just come in. Thought they'd be way too dark for your tastes but you might like 'em if that's what you're into now."

I force a laugh and it sounds unconvincing so I just shake my head, swiping at non-existent dust on the counter. "It was just a daft internet search. It gets so boring in here when there's no customers. I'm really not into it, I'm not a devil worshipper you know!"

"I'm not suggesting you're gonna be running round doing satanic rituals! Slaughtering virgins and all that!"

This time my laughter is genuine. Hearing Johnny making jokes about the absurdity of it all just makes me feel lighter somehow. Like maybe if I laugh long enough and hard enough I can erase everything that happened, go back to just being plain old mousy Eve, the girl who doesn't get into trouble. The girl who doesn't accidentally sell her soul to a hungry demon.

Johnny carries on for a while, spurred on by my amusement, eyes lighting up as he starts suggesting all manner of crazy dark magic rituals I might be involved in whilst I giggle and shake my head. It feels good to let go of a little tension, but when he runs out of steam and my laughter subsides I feel the cold sliver of dread working its way up my spine once again. It gets me thinking that maybe I ought to use this opportunity. Johnny's an expert on all things supernatural. I might be able to probe him a bit, find out something useful to dispel my worries and put my mind at ease instead of trawling the internet looking for god knows what.

"Okay, I'll tell you why I was searching up demons if you really wanna know."

I watch him raise his brows in interest as he props an elbow on the counter. "Uh-huh, 'cause I can't for the life of me work out why you of all people would be researching that!"

I allow a small smile, nervous again. "It was last Sunday in church. Father Hall gave this great sermon, it was about good and evil and the constant battle. He was talking about demons walking amongst us and how they might tempt us in life."

Johnny's watching me carefully as I talk, grin playing on his lips, completely oblivious that I'm lying through my teeth and feeling terrible about it.

"Well there was this little boy there and he looked kinda scared about all this demon talk, so he stuck up his hand and asked if demons really existed."

"And?"

"Father Hall said it was all symbolic, that there were many things that could tempt you in life that could be considered to be demons, like money and drugs and power. The temptation's all around us so demons do exist but not in the way the little boy was thinking of."

Johnny's nodding along, looking thoughtful and I know he's just itching to give me his thoughts. He's obsessed with the paranormal, it's his livelihood after all, his niche bookshop stocking publications on everything from black to white magic to vampire folklore and demonic possessions. I'd normally steer clear of any talk of anything to do with the occult and Johnny respects that, he knows it doesn't align with my religious beliefs, but the fact that I seem willing to discuss it now has his eyes glowing with enthusiasm.

"And that's what you believe too?"

"Well, yeah," I reply hesitantly. "I know there's evil in the world, but actual demons and dark spirits and stuff, that's just folklore and myth. Things like that are made up for horror films and to scare people on Halloween. Demons aren't real living things walking the earth looking for souls to take."

My voice wavers on the last line and I swallow down a gulp. It could be complete coincidence but the sky outside the shop seems darker all of a sudden, the wispy fair-weather clouds chased away by fat swollen rain-clouds, blocking out the sun. My eyes flit back to Johnny and I fix him with a silent plea. I want him to tell me that I'm right, that it's all stories passed down from generation to generation, legends from days gone by when people believed in monsters and ghouls and things that stalked them in the night. I want him to make me laugh again, tease me like he usually does, laugh that deep hearty laugh of his that's so infectious, but he doesn't. He just looks back at me with that glaze of mystery in his eyes as he speaks.

"Well I believe in them."

I swallow thickly, my throat feeling tight. I should have seen this coming really. Johnny was never going to assuage my fears. "Come on, that's just ridiculous!" I say, finally taking a sip of my latte to distract me from the way that my heart's just skipped a beat. "It's all mumbo jumbo from those spooky books you read. You just fill your head with nonsense."

Johnny pushes himself back from the counter, gesturing with his hands, in his element now talking about his favourite topic. "There's too many accounts through history right up to modern day that can't be just explained away. Demonic possessions, hauntings, manifestations... we're not talking about a big red guy with horns and a pointy tale either. Demons are clever, their sole purpose is to entice people, draw them in. They often appear in human form, a woman or a man, just like you and me. They're usually attractive... it's all about temptation you see."

Temptation...

I feel blood rush to my cheeks as I recall the warmth of Van's breath on the skin of my neck, the feel of his lithe body pressing against mine.

"But if you believe in God... follow the light rather than stray into the dark..."

I reach for my crucifix pendant again without realising, turning it over and over in my fingers. Johnny huffs.

"They don't much care about all that. In fact it's the purest souls that attract them, they shine the brightest. It's like a beacon cutting through the darkness and they can't resist. It lures them in."

You are the most beautiful and precious thing I have ever seen...

"And even the strongest, most devout souls get tempted, it's the human weakness see. Demons can get into a person's head, fill it with the sweetest of temptations. Wealth, fame, knowledge, power, desire... they'll offer it all but it's just a trick. Their one true goal is to corrupt and cause chaos. They thrive off it."

"But it can't be true, it just can't," I utter, my voice barely audible, a choked whisper. I'm frozen where I stand, claw-like fingers grasping my coffee cup. My heart's going a million miles an hour and I feel like I'm losing my grip on the tenuous threads that are anchoring me to my sanity.

"Jeez Eve, are you okay?" Johnny's face swims into view and it's etched in concern as he leans right over the counter, a reassuring hand resting over one of mine.

"I... I'm fine, really."

He cracks an uneasy smile like he doesn't believe me, hand smoothing over mine in a reassuring gesture. "Are you sure love, 'cause you're as white as a sheet. I didn't mean to scare ya."

This time when the door opens I do hear it, jolting again which causes Johnny's touch to fall away. We both look up to see Freya bustling through the doorway, eyes darting between the two of us, mischievous smile twitching at her lips.

"You two look cosy! I'm not interrupting anything am I?" She arrives at the counter all bright eyed and teasing and I automatically feel my cheeks warm as I look at Johnny and see him moving back a step. His sudden movement actually makes it look like we were up to something.

"Maybe you did," he grins at Freya, more than happy to play along. "But I doubt it'd stop ya now would it?"

Freya places a hand on her chest. "As if I'd stand in the way of a blossoming love affair! No, you two just carry on... don't mind me."

"Shut up Freya!" I giggle, embarrassed by my friend who seems to think it's a good idea to try and set me up with every male in my immediate vicinity. I don't need to worry though, her attention's diverted as she notices the pink paper bag on the counter and she snatches it up in excitement.

"Oh my god! Are these pastries from Miller's?" A peek inside confirms this and she squeals in delight, darting forward to stretch up on to her tiptoes to press a small kiss to Johnny's stubbled cheek. "Johnny you're an absolute angel, you really are! So thoughtful of you to get us breakfast."

I glance up at Johnny whose look of disbelief transforms into an eye-roll meant only for my attention and I bite back a giggle. Freya's oblivious, humming in appreciation as she bites into a cinnamon roll.

"That's quite alright ladies... anyway I'd better go. Not opened up the shop yet." Johnny steps back, lifting up a hand to wave goodbye, and he's just about to turn when he pauses, looking at me. "If you're still interested Eve, I could bring a book by tomorrow... you know... about what we were talking about..."

I'm not sure whether he's purposely talking mysteriously to wind Freya up or he's guessed that my interest in demons is something I want to keep private but I'm grateful either way, not wanting to let my friend in on my predicament until I know exactly what I'm dealing with.

"Sure, thanks Johnny, I'd like that. I'll see you tomorrow."

The door hasn't even shut behind him before Freya's planting both elbows on the counter and leaning right over to tease me.

"You two would look so cute together..."

"For gods sake stop it!" I cut her off but I'm laughing. "What is it with you constantly trying to set me up with someone? Johnny's just a friend, I don't see him like that."

"Well, he's definitely got a soft spot for you, I can tell. I'm very intuitive about these things." She pushes the bag of pastries across the counter to me. "He's bringing you breakfast now? Popping in for little chats? Holding your hand across the counter?"

"But he wasn't..." I protest but Freya ignores me.

"I saw you!" She grins, eyes sparkling. "I actually think he'd be perfect for you. He's a complete gentleman, he's kind and he's sweet... kinda cute..." A small frown appears. "Not sure about all that weird creepy shit he's into but I guess nobody's perfect."

I laugh it off, shaking my head, eager to move the conversation on to last night, hoping that I'll find out some more information to tell me whether I really did dream the whole thing up. "You know I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now. Guys just aren't a priority to me. Now have you heard any more about that murder? I'm still freaking out about it."

[dolldoll5987]

Graduating high school is not worth celebration, it's worth the exact opposite.

As a senior in high school I get bombarded with questions like what I'm going to do after I graduate, like go to college or get a job. I've been suicidal since I was 11, all I want to do is die, which is what I've been trying to do for the last 7 years. I suppose my last fleeting hope was that after school was done I could finally just relax. Now I'm kinda hit with the pressure to do something else... when I don't want to. I mean, sure, being a productive and contributing member of society is all fine and brilliant when you actually have the will to. For the last 7 years all I've had the motivation to do is try to figure out how and get the courage to kill myself. I don't have the energy to go to school, but do because I have this crippling fear that if I miss just one day I'll fail and have to repeat this year of torture.

I suppose what I'm getting at is if all there is in life is to either get a job or go to school to be able to get a job you want (...depending what it is, I suppose), still labour in a way, all for money just to pay to live — what's the point if you don't want to live? Like, it's all work and payments for something I didn't ask for, and didn't want. Why would I put so much energy into that?

Also, I'd like to make a point to say that when I say there's nothing else in life besides that is hyperbolic in its own right. There are friends, family, hobbies/aspirations, whatever. None of these make me happy. I have few friends and no energy to socialise anyway, my family sucks, and I have no aspirations or hobbies. I mean okay I like reading, writing, drawing, and gaming and have a niche interests in things like criminology, forensics, medicine, science, and other stuff, but not enough to make it into a living. Well, maybe, but I definitely don't have the energy to. I'd need more school, and school is the definition of Hell for me. In a lot of ways it made my depression and eating disorder worst, although I do not blame them entirely for these events. I take blame where I need to. My fault for isolating myself (due to lack of energy to socialise, which isn't my fault, but I still made the choice to do what I did), my fault for resorting to an eating disorder as a desperate distraction and to feel good about myself for once. It's my fault, I get it.

Teachers and other staff ask me if I'm excited to graduate and I'm like. Well. I say yes but it's mixed feelings. It's odd, I hate school and want to get out, but when I do that I have nothing else. I don't have the smarts or motivation for college, and I don't see the point in getting a job to labour away and pay to live when I don't even want to be here anyway. I don't hate learning, I just don't like how schools teach. Maybe I'm pedantic about it, but there have been some teachers that give us easy work loads and easy classwork in itself and still managed to leave me feeling like my time was being used well there because 1) I had fun for once, and 2) I actually remembered what I learnt. I wish more people teach like they do. Now I just feel like a big ball of lost potential because I've had so many people tell me I'm smart and even at genius levels yet I never use it in a good way I always do it to detriment myself.

I don't know. Not everything has a good ending, especially not this. I plan on offing myself after I graduate, which is soon. I won't do it immediately after I graduate, probably.

I just. Ugh. I want to cry. I should be happy about graduating, but I can't be. All I can think about is how everyone else has their lives figured out - going to college, getting a job, whatever, while I'll be by myself with no friends, no life, no potential, and bored out of my mind but with no energy to start something. Even then, nothing interests me socially. I hate social interaction to the point of isolating myself entirely just to avoid it, which is a bad thing to do probably, but socialising causes me pain. I feel so different from everyone else and that I'm too weird and people are only ever nice out of pity or deception.

It seems that when I'm very bored, I get the most suicidal. With nothing to distract me I realise how dull and shallow my life is compared to everyone else's. Everyone else has friends, everyone else has at least some happiness, yet here I am with a chronic 😐 expression to the point people constantly ask what's wrong/if I'm okay when it's only my resting face. It's annoying having to always answer. Like... no, I'm not okay, but for the sake of this conversation, yes. I wish I could just disappear forever.

I don't want advice, I don't want help, I don't even want to make it better. I've been on meds and in therapy from ages 7-15, and it didn't help me at all, even made it worse sometimes. My life was doomed from the beginning, and since late 2019 it's gotten so, so much worse. Please, I just want it to end. When will the malnutrition that I've been experiencing for half a year finally just kill me? When will this all end? I want it to end. I want to die. Please.

[councillor-roland]

"I'm going to complain, you know I will. I hate doing things slowly unless it's really worth it and this hardly feels worth it. But I'll...try, I suppose." Roland made a face since the whole thing sounded unpleasant and like it would take far too long but Rhys seemed to think it was very necessary. He probably knew more about it than Roland did so Roland would just have to trust him. It was true that Roland very much disliked being told what to do in just about every circumstance and it often made him want to do the exact opposite. Apparently, it couldn't be helped, though. That was annoying but he would have to get used to it, at least according to Rhys. He was still going to complain about it, though, that was practically guaranteed.

Rhys didn't look very happy and Roland supposed he had a right. Roland wouldn't have been very happy if someone had come into his suite and begun criticizing his aesthetic decisions or decor. It was the general lack of both that Roland found particularly disturbing here, though. There was no personality! No personal touches really at all and it was just so...sad and horrible because of it. Rhys' explanation did nothing to soothe Roland's horror at the state of things. "But isn't this, for all intents and purposes, your home? Where you relax, get away, all those things? No wonder you spend so little time here when it's so...empty. There are no comforts!" That was clearly particularly horrifying to Roland. Rhys tried to divert them back to what they'd come to do and Roland sighed. "This is a very pressing matter, too. We'll have to do something about it at some point." Or maybe Roland would just do something about it. Looking around once more with a slight shudder, he made his way into the equally depressing and empty bedroom and sat down on the bed. "Come, then. Lay on hands or what have you. The horror of these barren accommodations can only distract me for so long." They were very distracting but he supposed he might get over it eventually.

“Given your current state, you’re not going to be in the mood for anything I have to say, so don’t worry about it for now. We’ll go over it again when you’re feeling a little less awful. We’ve got plenty of time. It won’t be an instantaneous process, either, so the more you pace yourself, the better. And don’t complain about that. It’s an unavoidably integral part to a very mandatory process.” Naturally, Rhys expected nothing less than complaint given the fact that he’d once again requested Roland to pace himself and had basically instructed him not to whine about it. He’d learned very quickly that the councilman didn’t take lightly to being commanded to do anything but given the circumstances, there weren’t many other options available to the witch right now. Fortunately, all other lines of debate seemed settled for the time being as both parties were more focused on restoring Roland to full health. Everything else rightfully paled in comparison. 

All hopes of Roland’s recovery were stilled the moment the commentary began and Rhys stopped dead in his tracks as he exhaled slowly, keeping his back to the vampire to hide the exasperation that washed over him immediately. Given the current circumstances, Rhys was under the impression that they had far more important things to be focusing on, but apparently that wasn’t a mutual belief. He turned sharply on his heel to face Roland with an unimpressed stare, folding his arms across his chest as the complaints continued. There was no point in interrupting; when Roland went off on a tangent, there was no stopping him. It was always best to simply let it pass. “It’s got a roof and structurally sound walls. Can’t ask for much more. I’m barely here, Ro. I don’t need it to be a carbon copy of The Ritz. It’s just a temporary living space. That’s enough for me.” He moved to lean against the wall as Roland wandered around the space, his gaze following every movement made. “You can criticise it all you like once we’ve done what we came here to do. There are more pressing matters to be focusing on right now, not that I should have to remind you of that.”

[helloalycia]

my patient’s neighbour [three] // wanda maximoff

summary: your relationship with Wanda gets a little bumpy when her work life crosses over with your personal life.

warning/s: implied kidnapping, mentions of anxiety

author's note: so the ‘i love you’ confession was actually inspired by an incorrect quote on @aquamarinescarlet’s page! i thought it would be cute aha

part one | part two | part four | part five | part six | part seven | masterlist | wattpad

It was two months into our relationship when I knew I'd fallen in love with Wanda. I can't remember the exact moment when it hit me – I guess it had happened gradually over time – but I remember the embarrassing moment when I told her.

She'd brought me as her date to an Avengers party thrown by Tony Stark. I'd been to one of them before, about a month into dating her, as she'd wanted me to meet her friends from work AKA the freakin' Avengers. They were actually really great and (somewhat) humble people. I didn't expect to become 'friends' with any of them, more just be friendly whenever I saw them through Wanda. To my surprise, I became quite good friends with Natasha Romanoff.

We had the same dark sense of humour, both had an unexplainable obsession with horror films and she was genuinely just really easy to talk to. I wasn't expecting it, but it was nice to gain a new friend in addition to a new girlfriend.

So, I was at my second Avengers party with Wanda by my side, but the party had ended about half an hour ago and I may or may not have been drunk.

We were sat on the couch, conversing with the other Avengers, and I was sat between Wanda and Natasha. The others were involved in their own conversations and I was too dazed to realise what I was doing until it happened.

"Wanda has no idea I'm in love with her," I said (not-so) quietly, leaning over to my left, into Wanda's ear unknowingly.

Wanda, who was playing with my fingers in her hand, paused and glanced to me with bright eyes, a surprised expression on her face.

"You're in love with me?" she asked, lips twitching into a smile.

I blinked, her words settling in, before I licked my lips. "Oh, sorry." Turning to my right, I moved to Natasha's ear, whispering loudly, "Wanda has no idea I'm in love with her."

Natasha glanced to me with a quirked brow, amused smile on her lips. "She doesn't? You sure about that?"

"You're in love with me?" Wanda repeated, sitting forward and earning my attention.

I gasped, wondering how she knew, before slapping Natasha's arm and looking to her with a frown. "You told her?! I trusted you!"

Natasha ignored me, instead looking to Wanda with an encouraging look. "I'll leave this one to you. Good luck."

She stood up, heading over to Thor and Bruce Banner on the other couch, and I booed her as she left.

"Yeah, run away, you secret-give-away'er!" I called after her with a pout, before crossing my arms.

"I think it's time I take you home," Wanda said decidedly, trying not to laugh as she pulled me up off the couch.

"I don't like Natasha anymore," I mumbled, allowing Wanda to take me away.

She bid her goodbyes to her teammates before leading me to the lift. I don't really remember what else happened until we were suddenly at my house – well, my parents house, but they had given it to me as they travelled the world with their retirement money. She was leading me inside and to my bedroom, getting me dressed like the sweet girlfriend she was, before tucking me into bed.

Of course, being the clingy drunk I was, I pulled her on top of me and didn't let go as I wrapped my arms around her.

"Stay," I mumbled into her shoulder, closing my eyes.

She chuckled, trying to pull away. "Y/N, you need to sleep, c'mon."

"I will," I whined, not letting her leave. "If you stay with me."

She paused, before giving in with a sigh. "Fine."

Tiredly, I smiled. "Yesssss." I patted the spot next to me. "Right here, please."

In the light of my bedside lamp, I saw her roll her eyes playfully, before turning off the lamp and jumping under the covers with me. I sighed with relief, cuddling into her side without hesitating.

"I love you," I mumbled, barely thinking about it.

She tightened her embrace and I felt her kiss the top of my head. "You're probably gonna forget you said that in the morning. But I'll remind you. And if you still think it, then I'll reply."

Her words went into one ear and out the other. I hummed in response, not knowing what I was answering to, and let myself get lost in her scent as I drifted into a peaceful slumber.

When I woke up the next morning, I quite liked the idea of sharing bed with Wanda and waking up to her dishevelled hair and our intertwined legs, even though I didn't remember inviting her to stay. Of course, I also had a banging headache and felt like someone had hit me with a train, so I didn't get chance to appreciate it much.

"Fuck," I mumbled, pulling the duvet over my head to block out the sun streaming through the slit in my curtain.

Wanda, who was shuffling beside me, yawned and stretched her arms. Suddenly, I heard quiet laughter, before she spooned me, wrapping her arms around my stomach and pulling me closer. Her leg raised and clung to my waist, and as much as I appreciated the way she fit perfectly against me, I was still in pain.

"Why did you let me drink that much?" I groaned, squeezing my eyes shut.

"I believe that was your own conscience decision, dorogoy (darling)," she said in that know-it-all voice of hers, and it was hard for me to be annoyed at her because she had a raspy, morning voice and her accent was especially thick with fatigue and damn, Wanda Maximoff was pretty sexy in the morning.

"Whatever," was all I said, but I placed my hand on hers and joint our fingers together.

"You know," she started, tucking her head comfortably into my neck, "I quite like waking up to you like this. You're very cute, even if you're cranky."

Despite aforementioned crankiness, I cracked a smile. "I like this, too."

It was very domestic, something I didn't get the privilege of experiencing with Wanda because she worked a lot, and it felt good.

After hanging around in bed for a little while longer, I got up and showered whilst Wanda offered to make me some breakfast – "Pancakes are a hangover's cure! Or at least according to Tony". After getting ready, I came downstairs to find a stack of pancakes and maple syrup waiting for me.

"You are a Godsend," I told her, pressing a haste kiss to her lips before sitting at the table with the pancakes. "Thank you."

She chuckled, grabbing her own pancakes and sitting opposite me. "Anything for you."

After I dug in, complimenting her on how delicious they tasted, a comfortable silence fell between us. Well, until Wanda spoke up cautiously.

"So, does anything from last night ring a bell?" she asked, making me look up to see her staring eagerly.

My content expression fell. "Shoot, did I do something embarrassing?" I facepalmed. "God, what was it? Did I fall asleep on somebody?"

She smiled with adoration, eyes twinkling in the morning sun. "No, nothing like that."

I could tell there was something though, judging from her hesitant expression. I scrunched my face with regret.

"What did I do?" I asked, unprepared to hear it. "Did I say something to you?"

She played with her fork, twisting it around in her plate nervously, which was very unlike her. "Yeah, actually, you did."

I waited, feeling like the silence was deafening the longer she stayed quiet.

"You said you were in love with me," she said, voice so soft and quiet that I barely heard it.

I felt my heart drop to my stomach. "I what?"

"I mean, technically you said I had no idea you were in love with me, but I think you were supposed to tell Nat that," she continued, eyes avoiding mine. "Then you told Nat and you got mad at her because you thought she told me."

I facepalmed for the second time that morning. "Oh, God..."

"Then you invited me to stay the night and told me you loved me before you fell asleep," she finished rambling. "I just, er, wanted to check if you meant that..."

I raised my eyebrows with disbelief. "Are you kidding?" I reached over the table to grab her hand. "Wanda, of course I meant that! But I hoped to tell you at a better time than by accident whilst I was drunk."

Blue eyes flickered to mine, excitement creeping onto her face. "You meant it."

I breathed out, realising what exactly I'd just said. "I– yeah. I meant it. I'm in love with you, Wanda."

Her smile widened. "I'm in love with you, too."

My heart fluttered in my chest as I relaxed my shoulders. "You love me."

She giggled, squeezing my hand. "We just did this."

"Right! We did," I said, shaking my head, grin forming on my lips. "Sorry. I'm just so happy right now."

"Me, too," she said in agreement, thumb stroking the top of my hand.

I didn't think things could go wrong from here. I was on top of the world! But of course, the world had a funny way of ruining things.

—

Dating a superhero had its pros and cons, I suppose, but neither really showed themselves to me often as it was as if Wanda's superhero life was separate to the one we shared. When she and I were together, it was just us. And she would leave for work and I wouldn't think about it. Then she would return and it would be us again.

If I took a moment out of my day to stop and really think about where she was, what she could be doing, the danger she could be in... I just couldn't do it. Even when she would show up to our next date with a fresh bruise from training, or a broken bone from a mission gone too far, I'd worry about it for the time being then try to let it go. Those weren't superhero perks, those were reasons to be concerned. And I couldn't handle imagining the time when she'd come back to me in a worse state, or to not even come back at all.

So, her superhero life rarely overlapped with our shared one. And I was happier that way. Until it did.

I was running errands one day, little things that required me to run around the city – dry cleaning, grocery shopping, picking up some DIY stuff for my house. It was a pretty relaxing, fun day. I'd treated myself to lunch, was soaking in the sunshine and planning to unwind with some Netflix on the couch.

"Hold on, I need to unlock the front door," I mumbled into the phone. I was talking to Wanda, catching her up with my day as I returned home.

"Try not to drop your phone this time," she teased from the other end, and I could just imagine the smirk on her face.

"So funny," I said with an eye roll. "Real comedian."

She laughed as I placed my phone in my pocket, not quite hanging up. Pulling my keys from my shopping bag, I fiddled with them, attempting to find the key for my front door.

Suddenly, something metal and cold pressed to my back and I jumped, dropping my keys with surprise.

"Don't draw attention," the person said, and I went rigid, looking up to see a reflection of someone unrecognisable in the glass of my front door. "You're going to leave your things here and come with me."

"Who are you?" I asked, trying to turn around, but the object pressed harder into my back, making me wince.

"Leave your fucking things here and give me your hand," the man ordered, ignoring my question. "Phone included. And don't even think about making a call."

I swallowed hard, panic settling in as I listened to the threatening stranger. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I realised that the stranger had no idea I was already on a call. With an Avenger nonetheless.

"I'll put it down," I narrated my actions, soon coming to realise that the object behind my back was in fact the barrel of a gun.

Hoping Wanda was still listening in and could hear the exchange, I put my phone on the ground and placed my shaking hand in the man's outstretched one. He tucked his gun back into the waistband of his jeans before tugging me down the steps and to a black van parked opposite my house.

Too paralysed with fear at the sight of two more strange men getting out the van, I felt my throat go dry and words get stuck at the bottom. Looking around, I hoped to find a neighbour's eyes or dog-walker's lost gaze, but nobody was here. Whoever these men were had timed their entrance perfectly.

When we reached the van, the back doors were opened and the man spun me around roughly before placing a bag on my head and shoving me inside. Hot tears ran down my face as I squeezed my eyes shut, wondering what the hell was happening and who these people were. But mostly, I hoped Wanda was already on her way.

—

The whole incident was over soon. That's what we were calling it now. The 'incident'. Of course, it could have been called other things... the kidnapping, the abduction, the capture. But we settled with the 'incident'. It was less explicit, as if minimising how utterly terrifying the whole experience was.

I never did find out who those men were. Wanda offered to tell me, feeling a need to explain herself and blame herself and drag herself down in the dirt to make me feel better, to bring me out of my silence and give me something to feel good about. I recalled her mentioning they were after her, getting to her through me – her girlfriend.

She rescued me quite quickly. Being tied up and locked away and left to cry like a child, wondering if I was going to die any minute at the hands of captors whom I had never met nor done anything to in my life, wasn't fun. People always wonder what they would do in those situations; maybe they would square up and put up a fight; maybe they would scream and shout and get everyone's attention; maybe they'd even retort with sarky remarks and go out with a blaze of glory.

I never imagined what that would be like, but I discovered I could do neither of those things. I just let them take me, let them threaten me and point their guns at me and tie me up and lock me away and–

I let myself cry and feel terrified and shake and lose my words and imagine the worst. Some would call that giving in, but this wasn't something you could prepare for. Surely my response was justified? I wasn't sure. I just knew that when Wanda burst onto the scene, taking out the men with ease and taking me out of there, taking me home, I was momentarily safe.

But then as she began to ramble off her explanations and apologies and regrets, I found myself turning in on myself, unable to hear her out. I didn't blame her one bit, but I also couldn't listen to one more second. So, I tuned her out.

I sat on the couch, staring at the way the thread was coming loose on one of my cushions. I thought about how quickly the whole 'incident' had happened. How one minute I was sat in a cell and now I was sat on my couch. How I was then shaking with fear and now I felt nothing.

"...you listening? Hey, are you okay?"

I only tuned back in when she sat on the cushion I was looking at. Her fingers rested on my cheek, guiding my head upwards so I was looking her in the eyes, glassy and red and swollen from crying. I probably looked the same, though I was all out of tears.

"I promise you nobody will be back here," she said with certainty, thumb stroking my cheek. "There's S.H.I.E.L.D. agents posted all along the street. And I'm happy to stay here if you need me to. You're safe now."

I knew I was. And despite my calm exterior, my heart was still racing in my chest, adrenaline still pumping through my body as if expecting to make a sudden break for it.

"What are you thinking?" she muttered, eyes flicking between mine curiously. "Talk to me. Please."

I shook my head, looking away. "I'm okay."

"It's okay not to be," she said quietly, squeezing my hand.

"I know."

So, we kept that bit up for a few more days, maybe a week. Me pretending I was okay, though still distant from Wanda as if she'd caught the plague, and her pretending she knew I was telling the truth.

But I knew she sensed the nightmares I had, waking me up in cold sweats. I knew she saw the way I tensed when a shadow cast along the wall from a moving object. Or the way I never faced the front door when unlocking it to get inside.

I guess she couldn't take it anymore at some point, possibly a week or two later, as when I was mixing my soup in a bowl after heating it up in the microwave, she sighed loudly.

"You okay?" I asked, glancing up at her. She was stood by the counter, seeming tired.

She'd been staying with me since the incident happened, obviously, and it was nice having her around so much, despite the circumstances. But I knew she was worried and had been keeping it in. I just didn't have the energy to acknowledge it.

"I'm fine," she said quickly, though her fingers still drummed on the countertop.

I let it go, shrugging, before paying attention to my soup. Her impatience was obnoxiously loud, filling the house with a discomfort she was dying to express. Eventually, she did.

"I'm not fine," she decided, and I stopped stirring my soup as I looked to her tugging on her sleeves distractedly. "I'm not fine because you're not fine."

"I've told you I am," I said monotonously, eyes boring into hers.

"I know you're not," she said, crossing her arms and hugging herself. "I've noticed you and..."

I quirked a brow. "And?"

She frowned, eyes softening with empathy. "Don't make me say it, Y/N."

I pressed my tongue to the back of my teeth as I looked down to my steaming soup.

"Talk to me," she pleaded, rounding the counter and leaning beside me, searching for my eyes. "I just want to help."

I swallowed hard. "I have nothing to say, Wanda."

"A really scary thing happened," she began hesitantly. "The fact that you don't have anything to say– that you've not said anything, isn't right."

"Well, I guess there's something wrong with me," I said dismissively, before grabbing the pepper grinder before me and using it.

"No, there's not," she reassured, not giving up. "You just need to talk.”

I set the grinder down, turning to face her abruptly. She straightened up with surprise, taking a small step back.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked, voice calm but full of unintentional malice. "Huh? What do you want me to tell you? That I'm terrified somebody is watching my house, waiting for a quiet moment to break in? That I have to follow you into every room you go in because I don't want to be left alone? That I can't fucking sleep because I'm scared that when I close my eyes, I'll be locked in a nightmare I can't escape? Is that what you want me to tell you? Does that make you feel better, Wanda? Because it doesn't make me feel any better. It just reminds me how fucking terrified I am."

I pocketed my shaking hands, blinked away the tears that threatened to fall, swallowed down the lump rising in my throat. She watched me, unsure what to say at first and I didn't blame her. It was an outburst waiting to happen.

"I'm–"

"Don't say you're sorry," I snapped, before flinching at my tone. "I know you're sorry. And I don't blame you for what happened. I just– I don't know what to do anymore."

Her eyes were studying me like green lasers burning holes into my skin and I hated that I couldn't meet them. I hated even more that I couldn't leave the kitchen out of anger or frustration because I was too scared to be left alone without her by my side.

So, I leaned against the counter, turning away from her, and let out a shaky breath, eyes burning and heart thumping in my ears. Her arms suddenly wrapped around me without question, and I let her take me into her chest, squeezing me so tight so I knew she was there.

Closing my eyes, I felt tears rolling down my cheeks, but no sound came out. I struggled to breathe, unable to take in air through my nose as I stuffed my head so hard into her shirt that I couldn't see a thing except darkness. I knew I'd eventually be okay, that I'd eventually get back to some sense of normalcy. But for now, having her here with me was okay. And I found it much better to just be with her then have to go over and talk it out.

She was warm and strong and smelt like home and God, I loved her. I was lucky to have her.

—

It took about a month and a half to get over the incident. And after that, we never brought it up again. It was just easier that way. We continued on like usual, falling back into our old routine of having a separate us and her separate superhero life.

At some point, I thought it would be nice for her to meet my parents. They were back in town for the week, wanting to check in and see how I was. It was nice having them around and I was excited for them to meet Wanda, who I'd mentioned in some of our Skype calls.

"We don't have to make it a thing," I said as I proposed the idea. We were cleaning around Anna's apartment as she napped in her bedroom. "It's not like an 'oh, meet the parents' thing. They just happen to be in town and we're having a dinner, so I thought you might want to come. If you don't, it's not a big deal. I haven't told them to expect you. Not unless you say yes. Which you don't have to."

She chuckled, eyes gleaming with amusement. "Dorogoy (darling), calm down. Breathe."

I neatened the cushions on the couch with a bit too much force. "Am I not breathing? I'm pretty sure I'm breathing."

Her hands slipped into mine as she spun me around to face her. An amused smile on her lips, she said, "You need to relax. If you're like this now, then who knows what you'll be like on the night of the dinner?"

It took me a second to realise what she'd said and when I did, my eyes widened. "Wait, the night of the– does that mean you're going?"

She laughed, tugging me closer to her. "Yes, I'm going. I'd love to meet your parents!"

My shoulders relaxed as her fingers played with mine mindlessly. A smile appeared on my lips as I said, "Thank you. I– it'll be fun. No pressure. Just a dinner."

"Just a dinner," she confirmed, before kissing my forehead gently. "Can't wait."

And so on the day before my parents left for Scotland, yet another trip on their never ending retirement travels, I waited for Wanda to pick me up so we could go to a restaurant to meet my parents, who were already there after spending the day shopping in town.

She arrived at the door with a beautiful smile and bright eyes, looking me up and down.

"Just on time," I teased, tilting my head to the side, before being serious. "You look amazing tonight, Wanda."

"As do you, moya lyubov' (my love)," she said sweetly, leaning forward to kiss my cheek, before stepping inside. "Also, these are for you."

She removed her hand from behind her back as I closed the door, revealing a gorgeous, colourful bouquet of flowers.

"I saw them and thought of you," she began to explain without even realising how cute she was; a smile crept on my lips as she continued, "but then I realised I've never gotten you flowers before which is very dumb of me because a pretty girl deserves pretty flowers, right?"

There was no doubt that my face was heating up from the attention, flustered yet honoured at her words.

"Wanda, I love them," I said, accepting the flowers and meeting her gaze. "And to be fair, nobody has ever gotten me flowers before."

"You're kidding," she said with disbelief, stepping forward and wrapping her arms loosely around my waist. Reading my serious expression, she added, "Not even for your birthday? Or a celebration?"

I shook my head. "Nope."

She gave me a knowing look. "Well, that's very unfortunate. But I'm glad I could be the first."

I held her gaze, amusement dancing in her smile. Mirroring her expression, I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her nose, making her scrunch it up delightfully.

"Me, too," I said, and I meant it.

"Come on, we should get going," she said, squeezing my waist before letting go. "Don't want to be late, do we?"

"We do not," I agreed, before putting the flowers in a vase of water and leaving them by the door.

"You ready?" she asked, holding open the front door.

I intertwined our hands and met her smile with my own. "I'm ready."

Taking the girlfriend to meet the parents. What could go wrong?

[askthetraveller]

What are your plans for after ending this blog? Are you going to plan a new one?

So this is probably one the big ones, that I get every munday. I suppose now is as good of time as any to reveal my plans...

Nothing.

When I started this blog years ago, I made it with the resolution, that after almost like a decade of blogs and tumblring, that this would be the last big blog I do.

And after a lot of consideration over the past years. I want to stay by that decision.

Bit of a big post, so read more if you are curious.

So, this is why i've put so much time and effort into the blog, why i've taken so long to make sure the story is perfect, to allow interactions to take place, and put so much emphasis into this last Nightmare arc in particular. Because it's not just the end of Trav's blog, but my own journey here in Pokeask too.

When this epilogue saga is all wrapped up, I think i'll be taking my leave of pokeask blogging.

Before anyone goes crazy, just relax a bit. This epilogue will last a while, it's not ending any time soon. But when it's all done, i'm gonna move onto other projects unrelated to tumblr and the sort.

This isn't because of anyone else, or because I hate it now or anything, moreso the exact opposite. I want to leave because I have many good memories of it, and I don't want to stick around until I leave out of spite, because i'm sick of it all or other negative reasons.

I want to end my own story here, on a positive note, that I've seen a blog through to the end from start to finish and be happy with it. And now I can take what i've learnt here and use it for something even better!

I'm not saying goodbye, not just yet. I'm still here, we still have an epilogue to get through, so please. This is your last actual chance, before I move on from this era of my career.

This really has been an awesome chunk of my life, and I want to move on while I can still hold onto those pleasant memories. I'll probably go into more detail later on down the line methinks.

But before I do, let's keep making some happy memories for the time being, all right?

~Bagel

[royalty-subway]

This is going to be long but, can I get a headcannon of Ingo and Emmet with twin sisters that is masters at martial arts/self-defense that has been training ever since they were 9? The twin dating Ingo, her personality is energetic and happy, The twin dating Emmet, her personality is stoic and serious. The stoic twin being protective but not too protective over her twin, and isn't afraid to kick Ingo's ass if he cheats or anything horrible. And the energetic twin playing and having fun with Emms

Oof. I'm not good at martial arts/self-defense stuff unless you count screaming and running. I'm a pro if that's the case.

I suppose I have to refer to the twins “the stoic twin” and “the energetic twin” just so people don’t get confused between the two. ;w;

Emmet

I mean, my man could date or befriend anyone. Even if they have the exact opposite personality of him. So he wouldn’t mind dating the stoic twin, or someone who’s stoic in general.

Of course, the stoic twin personality might remind him of Ingo a bit (but he wouldn’t tell Ingo that since that would probably upset him, Ingo doesn’t wish to be reminded that he’s a bit “stiff”). But he still loves them.

He might try to make the stoic twin a bit… Less serious. Like, to relax and not be serious 24/7. While also expressing some kind of emotion since being stoic all the time seems… very unfun-

He barely knows anything about self-defense or martial arts, but it always makes him think of those Detroit Urban Survival Training videos. Not that he’ll practice those, but eh, it’s something to look at. The twins could teach him if they wanted to. He'll probably fail though-

And it probably wouldn’t be much of a surprise if he gets along with the energetic twin (yet again, he gets along with a lot of people so-). They probably play a lot of games with each other.

Ingo

Usually, he pictures himself with a partner that’s a bit similar to him. Maybe not 100%, but not someone who’s pretty energetic. But hey, here we are. He’s dating the energetic twin.

I suppose… sometimes opposite attracts, which definitely isn’t a bad thing. It is what it is since he genuinely loves the energetic twin. Despite him not really being “energetic” himself, unless you count screaming at random-

Here’s the thing, he’s kinda known to just work a lot. And the energetic twin just barging into his office for attention or demanding him to do something with them would probably be tiring for him. But hey, not like he hates it, it’s good to take a break once in a while. He'll do whatever they want to do.

He might know a bit of martial arts and self-defense stuff (mostly self-defense), but he has a feeling that the moment he'd say that, one of the twins would beat his fucking ass in a matter of second so he’s keeping his mouth shut.

But oddly enough, he gets along with the stoic twin as well. Despite the fact that they threatened to kick him where the sun doesn’t shine if he hurt the energetic twin in some way. Which he’d never do. He’s pretty loyal to those he cares about.

[hwauas]

✨: "taste of heaven" pt.1

> collaboration with ma sweetheart @nateezfics 💕

> part 2 (here) on her blog!

kang yeosang (강여상)!

you were born in the wrong place in your opinion. you never chose to be a princess. you never chose to have a high statute. you never chose to have this much duties. but you had to go through this. you had to live with this. you have to deal with this everyday. and everyday seemed to be the same for you. waking up every day at the same exact time. having everyday the same breakfast. having the same toilette every morning. and working on tasks the parents gave you, thinking you were able to achieve them as a princess. you could get some tasks about a tiny area in the country with problems to solve, or you could get task about servants' and maids' timetable. your parents got you very ambivalent.

     but little did they know, you were tired about this. the only free time you could have were afternoons here and there. the rest of the time, your statute got you busy with different tasks.

you wanted a significant change. you wanted to be free. you wanted to escape in aim to live. you wanted and needed a whole another life.

     the garden aback the castle was your way out. a place a little bit wild, way less tidy. the greenery was free to crawl everywhere. around a pond, there were water lilies, and different type of flowers and plants. the pond seemed to be wild with all those plants. and around this pond, there were stone benchs and arches. creepers were crawling around the different items in the place: on the bench legs and all around the arches.

the thick foliage of the trees was reducing the sun light in the place. the whole atmosphere was softer, the dim light was creating an atmosphere o so relaxing and almost romantic. spending time there was your favourite activity. you could focus on yourself, things which were important to you, and you could dream and breath.

     today, you managed to have some time for yourself. you needed to be somewhere you felt secured in, and somewhere you could relax. somewhere you could take off your crown for hours.

today again, the sun was shining through the foliage, making the place look magic. few rays of sun were illuminating the pond and were reflected on the foliage above. the water, where the sun shone, looked like myriad of diamonds. the birds were chirping around you. the plants seemed to be a little bit greener with the few rays of sun.

     it was a perfect place, at a perfect moment.

     what you didn't know, a man was approaching.

he was your opposite : independant, even though he had duties, and free, even though he had a statute.

he was breathtaking: sharped jawline, plump lips, little nose, thin eyes with brilliant pupils, eyebrows decorating perfectly his forehead, and bangs falling gracefully on his forehead, giving him a slight of mystery.

his body was perfectly sculped: large shoulder, thin waist, developped chest, sharped collarbones, long legs. you could have said his body was sculped by Greek gods themselves.

     but he was the actual god.

herald of gods, he was also a protector: merchants, human heralds, orators, travellers, but also thieves.

pacing up and down the whole world to deliver message was his main activity. he was excelling at it.

     his footsteps got you out of your thoughts. you were fully aware of your surroundings to localise the person approaching as soon as possible.

from the corner of your eyes, you could distinguish his figure approaching yours. few rays of sun lit up his body. few of them also lit up his brilliant pupils on you.

     “it's the very first time i'm seeing such a beautiful person here.”

his voice was soft. it was like a lullaby to your eyes.

     you turned your head over him. his brilliant pupils were looking deep inside yours. his gaze seemed to be more precious than anything else. and the thin smile on his lips was adding more preciousness to his face.

as soon as your brain totally assimilated his beauty, your heart almost immediately reacted: it was beating so fast. you never felt this way before. you never felt your heart react this much to someone unknown to you

     “really? aww, i'm sorry. but since this little place is behind the castle i live in and this place is owned by my parents.. i guess you can see me here pretty often.”

you offered this man your prettiest smile.

     “oh, so i'm walking in a private area? oh, i'm sorry, i don't have any permission..”

you giggled, making you look even cuter in front of him.

     “i give you my permission.”

your eyes were glued in his. you couldn't look somewhere else. something was pulling you closer to him. and without you could even take the control over your brain, you were in front of him.

“i hope you're gonna use this permission wisely.~”

     “may i offer you.. my company?”

you could blush at this precious look on your face. he was looking at you so tenderly. you could say he was as mesmerised by you as you were mesmerised by him.

     “this is a good answer.”

     because of a breeze, your dress brushed his legs, and mixed up with his own clothes. few strands of your hair slowly flew, coming in front of your face. and the man in front of you didn't waist time to push them away your face, behind your ears.

     the man then put a hand on your waist, and invite you to sit back on the bench. he was so gentle with you, and led you to the bench like a real gentleman. his hand on your waist, his gaze on your face, a smile on his lips.

he sat besides you, yet was facing you. he was admiring you, like you admire a deity. his own heart was beating irregularly. and just as you, he never lived something like that before.

     “who might you be?”

your voice was a little bit shaking because of shyness. you were looking down to the pond. yet this time, you were really blushing since you were feeling his sparkling gaze on you.

     “i'm Yeosang. Kang Yeosang. i was supposed to pass by quickly for a mission but.. i don't wanna live now i know someone as stunning as you is here.”

     “a-a mission?”

his compliment got you stuttering, and going redder — he was indeed succumbing to you. you were even playing with your fingers. your heart was still beating fast.

     “yes. i am gods' herald. but this message can wait, and will wait.”

Yeosang slightly tilted his head to the side. gently, he grabbed your chin and made you look straight into his eyes.

“and you? who are you?”

his pupils never left yours. the tenderness in his eyes was warming you up, and he soon felt like home to you: you didn't have to be shy anymore around him — plus, he was in the same estate, right?

     “princess y/n. Lee y/n.”

     “does the princess believe in gods?”

Yeosang looked next to you, where you put down your crown. he took it, and gently put it back on the top of your head.

     “now, she does. she has a god in front of her, how could she not believe in gods now?”

you were first looking at his eyes after he put the crown on your head, but your gaze eventually wandered over his face: his forehead, his nose, his cheekbones, his cheeks, and his plump lips. your gaze stayed there for a moment. and Yeosang noticed it.

     “and does she want to kiss this god?”

     “she's craving for it. but is this sensible?”

your eyes quickly went back to his pupils. the sun was shining over his face. his skin seemed to be smoother with the rays of sun.

     “i've fallen for you, even though we just met. is this sensible?”

Yeosang softly grabbed your chin between his thumb and forefinger. he kept your face up, looking in your eyes. the birds weren't chirping anymore, and the whole place was quiet. it was as if the whole world stopped to look at you both.

“it's not. but i'm not trying to hold myself back. if my whole soul suddenly started to scream out your name, then i'm happy to say i'm not wise anymore. nothing is sensible now i've met you.”

     “shut up and kiss me. it's a royal order.”

     “what my princess wants, my princess gets.”

     Yeosang softly leaned over your face. his lips gently touched yours. his lips moved against yours perfectly, as if both of your lips were meant to be against each other.

you slowly came closer to him, as if he was a magnet you were attracted to. your hand wandered over his thigh, and upper to his chest. your whole body was screaming his name out: the heart beating fastly, your skin getting hotter, the palms of your hands getting clammy.

     but the kiss had to end. you — sadly — couldn't stay suspended to his lips for ever.

     “if nothing of this is sensible, let's be unreasonable.”

your eyes were showing off distress, pleasure and love.

     Yeosang was everything you wanted, needed, and had everything you were craving for — freedom. you wanted and needed to have him by your side. him, for what he was, and what he had, was what you had to have by your side.

     “is this.. an another royal order, princess?”

his warm hands wrapped up your shoulders. but slowly, they were wandering down your arms to your hands.

     “it is. do it.”

     slowly, Yeosang started to kiss your forehead. his kisses went down, again and again — your temple, your cheek, your jawline, your neck, and your collarbone.

     the next moments would be animated.

[euphoricimagination]

International Love-Haikyuu x foreign reader

- Pt 50: Christmas eve and New Year, Japanese style -

Today’s Christmas eve, so Kenma, Kuroo and I are supposed to walk around Tokyo while eating street foods while our families hang out together. If there’s something that I learn in these past 2 years is that the holiday season here it’s celebrated the exact opposite way as in my country, Christmas being the time for friends and couples to celebrate together; and New Year for the family, visiting temples in January 1st.

- Are you sure you want me here? You two are a couple, and Christmas eve is supposed to be the most romantic date of the year…isn’t it awkward for you? – says Kuroo awkwardly while we walk through a Christmas market

- This is for friends too, Kuro, relax

- Yeah, but you know… you two are together…

- Tetsu, relax, it’s just like any other day

- Chibi-chan, Christmas eve here is like a holiday of yours…valentin? Something like that

- Valentine’s day? Well, I never liked the idea of it. I don’t need a holiday to express my love towards my boyfriend or friends. Woow look at that! That’s so pretty! – I say pointing at a Christmas tree, making the two of them laugh

- Yeah, it’s dumb. I’m already outside, so don’t make this more annoying for me than it already is Kuro

- Man, you two are the weirdest yet cutest couple out there – says Kuroo laughing – should we sit and buy something then? Chibi, did you know that eating kfc is like a tradition here?

- Yeah, last year I ate some with the twins and Rin in a park…it was a weird way to spend Christmas, but it was fun

- Well, it’s really different – says while I sit in a park nearby, Kenma laying on my lap – I’ll go to buy something, you two do you couple things or whatever.

- Sure – says Kenma taking his phone out– couldn’t we have stayed at any of our houses?

- Let me enjoy my first Christmas in Tokyo!

- But it’s full people and couples, it’s disgusting. Plus, it’s cold, you wouldn’t be shivering if we had stayed inside.

- Ken, we ARE a couple, I’m literally wearing your hoodie – I say putting my hands between his scarf and chest

- But we are not the annoying kind, and you wear my hoodies everyday anyway. You’re lucky that I can’t really say no to you, I wouldn’t have left my house otherwise

- …Sorry for dragging you out, I really wanted to see Tokyo in this season, and tomorrow is one of the few days we don’t have practice.

- It’s fine, if it makes you happy… next year we’re not going out though, we’ll stay in playing something

- Sure, sounds nice

- Planning next year Christmas already? Are you two married or what? – says Kuroo arriving with the food

- Tetsu, kindly, shut the fuck up – I say making Kuroo gasp dramatically and Kenma chuckle – what did you buy?

- I decided to treat my two lovely friends with pizza and a Christmas cake. It was expensive so I'm expecting some thanks

- Yaay pizza! Thank you Tetsu! - I say smiling at him

- ...Thanks Kuro

We spend the rest of the afternoon talking together, mostly Kuroo and I, but Kenma still contributed here and there, whether by correcting some stories that Kuroo is telling me or saying his side of them.

- Kuro, can you go ahead of us? – says Kenma when we are near our houses

- What? Why? – says with a smirk on

- Don’t start

- Fine, fine I’ll leave the lovebirds alone – says turning around and walking faster than before. But Kuroo being Kuroo, he obviously had to yell something before leaving – don’t do the naughty yet kids, both are too young!

- Pfft

- Don’t laugh! You’ll make him believe he’s funny – says Kenma hiding his face on his scarf.

- Just so we’re clear, I’m not really into exhibitionism – I say making him glare at me, blushing even more – sorry, sorry. What was it?

- Nothing now

- Ok then, I’m not going to beg for you to tell me – I say jokingly while trying to continue walking, but he stops me taking my hand

- You’re unbelievable…here – says shaking his head while taking something from his backpack, a Harry Potter scarf – Merry Christmas, it’s not a lot but I know that you’re used to this – says while putting the scarf around my neck

- Thank you – I say giving him a peck before hugging him – I also have something…but Tetsu is over there and it’s making me uncomfortable

- I told you to leave Kuro…- says when we walk towards my house – stop acting like my relationship is yours too

- And miss my two friends cute moment? Never. It was like a movie! – says smirking to us – plus, considering that I was the one who push you into asking her out, I feel like I deserve it.

- No, you don’t

- You’re weird Tetsu… see you – I say pulling Kenma in. Already on my room I give him the hoodie that I bought him – Merry Christmas…thank you for let me get to know you

- …Thank you for getting to know me – says pulling me closer into a sweet kiss

On January 1st the guys, plus Bokuto and Akaashi, invited me to visit a shrine nearby. While I love trying to immerse myself following the Japanese traditions, for New Year eve we didn’t feel the need to, since it was more family related than other holidays.

At around 5:30 am we were on our way to the Meiji Shrine in Harajuku, one of the most popular shrines in Tokyo. Despite being one of the most visited shrines nearby, Bokuto and Kuroo had insisted in taking me there, ending here in this ungodly hour.

- So chibi-chan…this is your second year here…how come you never been into a shrine before? – asks me Kuroo while Kenma sleeps on my shoulder. Why did I tell him about this?

- Yeah, I thought the twins will take you to one – says Bokuto.

- They were going to, but I got overwhelmed – I say, making him confused – it was my first year, and I had already done a lot of traditions that weren’t mine. After Christmas, I got really sick and anxious, so they just made sure I was fine

- You got homesick? – asks me Akaashi

- I feel like I was always homesick, I just ignored it. I was going to school, having my Japanese classes and I was the manager of the volleyball club

- I see, not a lot of time, plus you did have to immerse in the culture really fast, that probably help you to feel less than a normal person would

- Probably, and the team was always making sure I was okay. The twins and Rin always told me how happy they were that I was there, Kita-san and Samu always made sure that I ate properly. It was on the week between Christmas and New Years that I just collapse.

- Chibi-chan, you’re so strong! – says Bokuto rubbing my head.

- Are you okay now though? – Kuroo asks me, Kenma taking my hand slowly

- Yeah, I think so. I haven’t felt that bad lately… anyways how much more?

- 3 stations

- Why are we going to Meiji Shrine? Is one of the busiest, there’s going to be so much people – asks Kenma

- Is a classic, plus is near Harajuku. We can pass to the shrine and when we finish go to the stores that chibi-chan likes so much – says Kuroo

- Chibi-chan, you can film so many cool videos there!

Despite being so early there was already a lot of people there waiting to enter. I instinctively move a little closer to Kenma when we were arriving to the place, however as soon as Bokuto saw the giant Torii gates he took my arm, pulling me with him as fast as he could move.

- Wow, this is pretty – I say looking at the entrance surrounded by lots of trees, filming part of it while walking, inside there was surprisingly less crowded – are you sure we can run here? Isn’t it to pray or something?

- Yeah, I’m sure is alright

- Bokuto-san, you can’t just run off with Yn-chan just like that, remember we are here together, plus I’m sure Kozume doesn’t apprec-

- What’s that? – I say pointing at some… barrels?

- Those are sake barrels, to make it really simple, is to honor the gods. Let’s go and read the sign – says Kuroo laughing a bit. I’m sure that I’m acting like such a foreigner.

- Put your phone away, I’ll film so you can enjoy – says Kenma taking my hand without even waiting for answer.

- This is a cleansing station. You wash your hands in here before offering a prayer – says Akaashi, throughout the walk all of them had such a soft look every time I ask something that it was getting scary.

- Copy me chibi-chan! – says Bokuto loudly gaining a few glances by the people around

- Okay, but why?

- Respect, chibi, respect – says Kuroo

- That doesn’t help, but okay – I mumble to myself, making Kenma chuckle. After the prayer, which the boys taught me how to do, we walk around looking at the place

- Look! Good luck charms! Let’s get one chibi-chan! – says Bokuto. Since everyone was so eager for me to do experience all of this, they all agree immediately, even Kenma was all relaxed.

- Think of this as like a horoscope – says Akaashi before going to help Bokuto, who apparently got bad luck on his. Mine says The Best Fortune on it, so I assume that’s good. While I don’t really believe in things like horoscopes, but I can’t help to get a little happy by one in particular. Love: The person you are waiting for is already here.

- You got the best one – says Kenma looking at mine while he takes my hand

- Yeah, Y’all truly believe in this or…

- Some do, some don’t. It depends on the person

- What about you?

- I don’t have many options – says with a light blush appearing while handing me his paper. It reads Good Fortune on it, but the important part was below, Love: The person you are waiting for is already here. I look at him confused, but I couldn’t ask anything before getting interrupted

- Chibi-chaan! You got The Best Fortune?! Can you tie it up next to mine? – says Bokuto with sad eyes.

- Ehh…Sure. If it makes you happy

- Yay, I love you – says hugging me before running towards Kuroo

- Go with Akaashi-kun, I want to look for something with Kuro – Kenma says squeezing my hand with his smile. I go to where Akaashi is waiting, who tells me how to tie it up

- Since you got a good fortune, it’s supposed to cancel the bad luck. Here let me show you – says taking the paper – huh? You got a typo in your paper?

- Uh? Why?

- All of the different papers have standard answers, none of the fortunes say this in the love category…

- Really? But Kenma has the same thing…

- Yes – says giving me a smile – it can indeed be a typo, it happens with printing errors and translations, but it’s interesting that the two of you got it.

Soon enough Kenma arrives and takes me by the hand, pulling me somewhere while Kuroo says to the other two to leave us alone for a while. He passes me a little wooden plaque with a cat on it and a pen

- I have seen this before!

- They’re quite famous, write your wish and put your name and age at the end, and we go and put it there. You can write in English.

- What are you writing on it?

- It’s a secret…but it includes you – says blushing appearing on his face once again

- Good – I say feeling a little blush on my face. I think a little about a wish, something appearing almost immediately “Being with my friends forever. Being with Kenma forever”. God, when did I became so cheesy? I can see Kenma smiling slightly while I go to put the plaque – why yours is a secret but not mine? How unfair

- This one is mine – says pointing at the one next to mine “always be together – K&Yn” - we become annoyingly cheesy sometimes

- I know, quite disturbing honestly

- Yeah... I'm really happy that you came here though

- Me to-

- AWW! THEY’RE SO CUTE!

- Bokuto-san shh, Kuroo-san stop taking pictures

~~~~~~

Part 49 - Part 51

Cursive words/sentences are in Japanese

Bold words/sentences are in English

[voiceless-terror]

Hey, I hope I'm not bothering you, but I wanted to know if you're still taking requests? My friend cinnamoniic's birthday is coming up (around the seccond week of march) and I know they're a fan! If you have time, could you fit is a short Jontim or Jonmartim? That would be really cool!!! (As a surprise, please only publish this ask if you're able to take the request)

hello, not bothering at all! I don’t know if this is early or late but happy birthday @cinnamoniic !! a silly little jonmartim for my favorite artist!!

Tim is very, very happy to have his boyfriends over for the night.

It’s their first overnight and he’s looking forward to falling asleep in Martin’s arms and cuddling up close to Jon, whatever happens first. And that’s why he’s placed himself right between the two, Jon lying on the side of the bed against the wall and Martin insisting on the edge ‘in case I get up in the night, don’t want to wake anyone up, you need your rest.’ Ever the gentleman.

But it’s been three hours and not once has Martin made any motion to get up. In fact, he’d fallen asleep almost two minutes after they got situated, sprawled on his back and dead to the world. Tim’s glad Martin can sleep so deeply, he deserves it with the hours he’s pulling. But he’s not very happy about the sounds he makes while doing it.

Martin snores. Tim does too, as he’s been told by previous partners, but Martin’s like a goddamn motorboat. It’s deafening. He refuses to wake him and inform him of this fact, though he wishes Martin had warned him ahead of time. Tim doesn’t want to make him feel bad, but it’s getting to be a bit of a problem. It’s not steady enough to be a comforting white noise, as it occasionally turns into whistles or crescendos into loud roars. Martin’s got range.

And if Martin sleeps like the dead, Jon's the exact opposite. It’s not that he’s woken up at all, no, but he’s constantly rolling around, climbing on top of them at strange and uncomfortable angles. Tim wouldn’t mind the clinging so much if he didn’t change position every fifteen minutes with a jab of his pointy elbows.

He also talks.

It’s all nonsense, of course. Snarky little noises, as if he can’t stop being a little shit even as he sleeps. Sometimes it's a steady stream of enthusiastic mumbling, like his sleepy equivalent of an info-dump. Tim hopes he’s got a captive audience in his dreams.

He murmurs something directly in Tim’s ear, having burrowed himself in the crook of Tim’s neck five minutes prior. After imparting this wisdom, he rolls back over to face the wall. 

“You’ve got a point, buddy. He is loud.” Tim sighs, staring up at the ceiling, when a thought occurs to him.

Maybe if Jon’s got a Martin to distract him, he won’t be so bothersome. Martin seems to be a heavy sleeper, and won’t be woken by Jon’s nocturnal gymnastics. With this in mind, he very carefully scoots to the bottom of the bed and reaches for Jon, half dragging, half carrying him closer to Tim’s previous position. Jon immediately clings on to Martin, throwing himself diagonally over his chest with a happy little noise. Martin doesn’t wake. Perfect. Tim shimmies over to Jon’s spot, his back to the wall as he closes his eyes to finally get some rest.

Until Jon’s leg kicks back and hits Tim directly in the stomach. He yelps and struggles to catch his breath, glaring at his two blissfully unaware companions. Jon snuggles into Martin’s arms and the snores reach a new crescendo. This is hell.

Tim tries, he really does. He spends the next thirty minutes curled as far into the corner as he can manage, he puts the pillow over his head. But nothing drowns out the noise and Jon still intermittently kicks at his back, albeit gentler than before.

He truly loves the two of them, more than he ever thought possible. Tim reminds himself of this as Martin attempts to break the sound barrier and Jon puts on a one-man show of Riverdance against his back. But he’s got to get some fucking sleep. 

He considers waking the two of them and voicing his complaints. It’s not unreasonable; hell, Tim would want to know if he were the offending party. But he can’t bear the thought of Martin’s guilty little face, and he knows Jon will use it as an excuse to stay up the rest of the night. He could just slip into the living room, but that’ll just cause a fuss come morning. No, it’s time to do some strategic maneuvering. It’ll be difficult, but Tim thinks he can pull it off without waking the two. And he’s never been one to back down from a challenge.

Tim squirms down to the edge of the bed, flipping Jon’s pliant body back to its previous position. He almost falls out of bed when Jon surprises him with an emphatic “Recording ends!” but he quiets after that, curling into a ball.

“Good job, bossman.” A nickname he can only use when Jon can’t hear. He’s not too fond of it, now that they’re dating. Tim still thinks it’s cute. 

Now for the hard part. For this one, he’ll have to get out of bed entirely.

As he looms over Martin, Tim tries to figure out the best way to go about this. He gives him a gentle, experimental shove but Martin’s dead weight and does not want to move, stubborn even in sleep and now snoring louder in what seems like protest. Tim pushes back the sleeves of his sleep shirt, shakes out his arms. This is why you lift, Stoker. You can do this. A second push: the man budges a few inches, but there’s still not enough room for Tim to slip in. Martin’s always been stronger than him, much to his chagrin, and he’s never beaten him in arm wrestling. He’s built like a brick house, albeit much comfier. But Tim will not let him win in his sleep. That’s just ridiculous, not to mention embarrassing. So he lets out a grunt and gives it his best shot, the push finally managing to get Martin completely on his side.

And directly on top of Jon.

“Shit!” Tim swears, immediately jumping on the bed at Jon’s muffled squeak, his hands starting to pull Martin back when what little he sees of Jon suddenly relaxes, his face going slack. Tim briefly worries he’s killed him but Jon is in fact breathing, an utterly content look on his face as if all he needed to settle was the pressure of Martin’s arm and half of his body. Tim laughs in disbelief, running a hand through his hair when he notices the sudden quiet.

Martin’s stopped snoring. Not entirely, no, but after a minute of hovering over the man, he hears only the lightest of occasional wheezes. God, I’m a fucking genius. He almost wishes someone had been around to see it. He’s debating taking a picture and sending it to Sasha when he glances at the clock- two am. If he wants to wake up slightly rested, and in time to try Martin’s much-lauded pancakes, he’s going to have to cut his celebrations short.

So he climbs back into bed, attaching himself to the large, warm expanse of Martin’s back and burying his face in the softness of his worn sleep shirt. This is how it’s supposed to be, cozy and comfortable and quiet. Just took a bit of trial and error. 

Now to see if it’ll last til morning.

At eight, Martin wakes everyone with a shriek upon finding Jon buried underneath him and takes both Tim and himself off the bed with the force of his backpedaling. They land with a painful thump, Tim swearing as his abused back takes the brunt of the fall. Jon peers sleepily over the edge of the bed and gives the two of them a pleased smile, stretching like a cat basking in sunlight.

“Don’t think I’ve slept better in my life,” he yawns, blinking slowly. “What are you two doing down there?”

“A-are you serious?” Martin stutters, still tangled in the sheets and making no move to get up. Tim can’t help his snicker. “I-I was completely on top of you-”

“We should do that more often,” Jon agrees. “I like having you on top of me.”

It takes Martin about an hour to recover from that statement and around the same time for Jon to realize what he said. And Tim, well, Tim’s just happy to finally get some sleep.

And Martin’s pancakes. He really wasn’t kidding about those.

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29931783

[jjungkookislife]

I've been trying to write and I can definitely say that writing is really hard like I can't write full on stories but little random scenes of one specific couple like wuut?💔😂

This scene just came to me now:

"I love you so much it hurts. What made you think that I don't reciprocate the feelings that you have for me?" Jungkook asks eyebrows deeply furrowed. He continues not letting you say anything, "The love I have for you is so strong that I'm willing to live for you because dying for you would be too easy. The love that I have for you is not so little that I would choose to die, I'd choose to live, to be by your side each and every second. I'd choose to live for you even if I'm having the worst day of my life. Because loving you makes me want to live, makes me want to go through the bad days if it means to come home and be comforted by you, I'd choose it over and over again."

You're a crying mess at this point. You never knew that love could run so deep. Never knew that with love comes a sense of comfort, safety and a warm fuzzy feeling. The tears running down your cheeks are not tears of sadness but the opposite. Jungkook's words is the exact replication of how you feel, you couldn't put your love for him into words but you can definitely show him. That's why without wasting any more time you grab him by his shirt and smash your lips to his.

At first he is caught off guard but he gradually relaxes and kisses you back. The kiss is something between soft and sweet but also so desperate. Desperate because you're both trying to convey your love for each other through this simple but yet sweet gesture.

Never have you thought that you would feel something so deep and unexplainable for someone nevermind your bestfriend but you're happy it's him.

I don't even know if it's good. Random scenes hit me like a truck but the other part of the story is giving me writers block like there's a certain scene and I don't know what's supposed to happen afterwards🥲💔😪

I definitely appreciate writers more than I already do rn❤❤appreciate you and your brain very much B🥰🥰

It's definitely a good read! I totally get having scenes and nothing else lol sometimes the rest comes and sometimes it doesn't but you can definitely post what you have as a little drabble if you'd like <3 writing can be hard but as long as you enjoy it, you'll do amazing :)

[heavymetalchemist]

hi! I saw your post about JFM (heavymetalchemist tumblr com/post/615404761164939264/i-actually-think-that-jiang-fengmians-whole-oh) and I was wondering if you knew why it is said that JFM was strict with JC because he's grooming him to be sect leader (i know WWX says that too in the novel). It just never seemed that way to me, because I'm like JC would probably be really strict with himself + YZY would also put a ton of training on him for that.

So in The Untamed ep 14, after Wei Wuxian is out of the Xuanwu cave and wakes up in Lotus Pier, after the super uncomfortable fight between JFM and YZY, Jiang Cheng storms/runs away and Wei Wuxian chases after him and says “所以江叔叔对你呢自然是严厉了一些“ which Viki translates as “So Uncle Jiang is slightly more strict on you.”  My Chinese is absolutely terrible but the key part is 严厉 (stern, severe) which is also part of the longer sort of phrase 对……严厉 (be hard on). I think this bumps up against some fine connotation differences here, because in English “strict” can imply a rigorous adherence to rules, and this isn’t really about rules so much as being harsher in discipline.

Jiang Cheng had just made a snarky comment to Wei Wuxian in front of JFM:

WWX: Since you weren’t there, I didn’t have anyone to talk to. You are not aware, but sitting together with that Lan Zhan was extremely suffocating for me.

JC: Serves you right if you suffocated to death. You should not have tried to be the hero at that time. You shouldn’t have meddled in those trivial matters. In the first place, if you-

JFM: Jiang Cheng. Do you know what was wrong with what you just said?

So here’s the thing. WWX just badmouthed Lan Wangji (he’s so boring! being trapped in a cave with him isn’t romantic at all! you disaster. you fool.) and JFM doesn’t say anything, because WWX is just teasing! He’s so fun! But when JC snaps back, JFM sees it as devaluing WWX’s heroics, which - because it turned out okay - he’s happy about. Relating to my original post, JFM is having the vicarious thrill of defeating a legendary beast, standing up for the weak, and having everything turn out okay! WWX is safe and sound! For JC, now that WWX is safe, he wants to express his anger. He was worried! He ran for days to get help to save him, and almost didn’t make it! WWX could have died in that cave, and for what? So he could insult Wen Chao? Be some big hero? JC wanted WWX to keep his head down so they both made it out of there!

But JFM just sees the angry lashing out and he does not like JC being mean to his golden boy. Everything is fine so how dare JC scold WWX?

And this sort of loops back to the weirdness of JC’s and WWX’s positions in the sect.  JC is sect heir, but WWX is head disciple.  WWX is JC’s shixiong, his older martial brother, so there’s an expectation of respect there. Yes, WWX just pouted and said he wanted his shijie, his older martial sister, to wipe his mouth like he was a child, right in front of JFM, and that’s fine because it’s cute and fun and WWX is injured! But JC should show respect.

It’s the favoritism, and WWX tries to explain the favoritism as “he has to enforce these rules of conduct for you, because you’re sect heir” but in a lot of ways it’s that JFM does not read the concern in JC’s words, only the anger, and feels that his criticism of WWX’s actions go against the sect motto. The Jiang sect is supposed to attempt the impossible, and isn’t trying to be a hero exactly that? And even when WWX tries to defend JC’s words, saying he was just lashing out in anger, JFM just turns to JC and scolds him again, that some things should not be said, even in anger.

So to bring this all back around, the strictness isn’t in JFM training JC’s swordwork, or in enforcing his learning in Gusu, or keeping tabs on any of that stuff.  That’s Madam Yu and JC’s own desire to excel.  The strictness is in that JFM doesn’t like JC’s behavior and that’s why JC thinks his dad doesn’t like him, because he’s too much like his mom.

In the book, it says:

The founder of the YunmengJiang Sect, Jiang Chi, was born a rogue cultivator. The ways of the sect were honest and unrestrained. Madam Yu’s manners were the exact opposite. And, both Jiang Cheng’s looks and personality took after his mother. He hadn’t ever been to Jiang FengMian’s liking. Since birth, he taught him in many ways, yet he still couldn’t change, which was why Jiang FengMian had always seemed as though he didn’t favor him too much.

Jiang Cheng worries! What a drag. Why can’t he just relax and chill out like Wei Wuxian? And then he gets angry, and that’s not appropriate, so JFM has to scold him. So it comes across as being strict and severe with JC in this contradictory way to how WWX is indulged, because JFM is a terrible father who thinks his son is just Wrong about things rather than even trying to understand him.  If JC’s love and concern and worry come across as lashing out in anger, JFM only sees the anger and thinks that’s super inappropriate, which really only saddles JC with more anger because now he’s also misunderstood. And even when WWX tries to explain, it’s still not enough! (also side note it should not be WWX’s job to try and get JFM to understand his own son when he is also a goddamn teenager!)

So the explanation of being strict because he’s going to be sect leader is sort of a smokescreen. JFM is trying to groom JC into what he thinks a sect leader of the Jiang sect should be, in his own way, and is strict on him because of that. But it’s the kind of strictness that’s trying to ram a square peg into a round hole, and it’s exacerbated by JFM looking at WWX and seeing the exact kind of free spirit he feels embodies the motto - even if WWX’s careless insults of other sect members would be a disaster if he were sect leader (and uhhhh becomes one later oops, even beyond the Wen Chao Fiasco).

WWX is right when he then says that JC shouldn’t worry about the motto, that sect leaders are different and JC can be the kind of sect leader he is. WWX is a better dad than JFM.